The Cost of Being Different
by jailynn
Summary: It's just easier to follow the pack- Emily has always thought so, but getting to know Toby makes her want to break free. Can she risk her friends/her secure future to follow Toby into the unknown? Can Toby show her love is always worth the risk?
1. It's Starts with a Moment

**Title: **_**The Cost of Being Different**_

**Author:** Jailynn

**Rating:** PG-13 (ish) later

**Pairing:** Toby/Emily (with Emily/Ben mentions)

**Warning:** Alternate Universe (Alison is dead, but Toby was never suspected of killing her. Her murder isn't an issue- mostly because I've never read the books and I don't want to dive into that storyline. I haven't decided if I'm going to make Jenna blind yet or not...)

**Spoilers:** None

**Feedback:** Would be great. Please let me know what you think of the story and if I should continue...

Emily Fields tapped her pencil against the edge of her notebook, her mind drifting from the droning teacher standing in front of the class to the window. The leaves on the trees in the courtyard outside of their classroom swayed back and forward, hypnotizing her for a moment. Calling her to come outside and sit in the sun, bask in the waning summer days. She bit back a sigh and forced herself to look at the board. Equations blurred before her chocolate brown eyes as Mr Kane wrote them on the black surface. She knew she should be paying attention- Mr. Kane loved pop quizzes, to catch his students off guard- but she couldn't find the desire to listen, let alone write the notes down. She would just get them from one of her best friends, and the town of Rosewood's resident genius, Spencer Hastings. Spencer knew better than anyone how boring this teacher could be, having taken this class last semester. She would happily help Emily out, of that Emily was sure.

A chair in the back of class creaked, drawing her gaze in that direction. The student shifted again, his long legs careful not to bump into the seat in front of him. His head lifted for a brief moment and their eyes locked. She turned back to the front- quickly breaking any connection that might start to form. Next to her one of the football players- Jake Lawson- coughed an insult, causing many around him to laugh. Emily ducked her head, tucking a chunk of her ebony hair behind her left ear, while turning slightly to see the student's expression. Toby Cavanaugh didn't look up, he didn't do anything other than scribble words in his battered notebook. And that bothered her a little. She wanted to be brave enough to say something, to tell Jake to just shut the hell up for once, but she didn't. Her reputation- her friendships with the same people that snickered at Jake's comment about Toby- stopped her words.

Emily turned to the front and bit her full bottom lip. Her mind started to wander again, only this time it wasn't imagining the feeling of sitting in the sun, but rather the boy that sat in the back of her in Physics class. His head was always down, his face half shaded by long brown bangs. When he looked at you, if he looked at you, he always seemed to see through you. He spoke in slow, quiet tones. Never loud enough to overcome the noise of rumors that surrounded him and his step-sister Jenna. The jocks and popular kids, even the unpopular ones, took shots at him and he just accepted them with a haunted look in his icy blue eyes. It was that look that made her stop every once and a while and stare at him. So much of her world was easy to understand, but he wasn't. It intrigued, as well as, frightened her.

Not to say she was immune to the rumors: That he tore the head off squirrels or that he had a collection of bones in his closet. Ridiculous -yes, but he never countered any of them. He just went from class to class, talking to Jenna, walking her to class and maybe speaking briefly to a few other outsiders. In study hall, he sat in the corner and read. Last week it was "_Catcher and the Rye_", this week- she thought she saw "_The Tale of Two Cities_" poking out of his army green shoulder bag. Emily wondered if that was how he made it through the day in a town that didn't like him and never wanted to get to know him. If entering the world of whatever book he chose was how he coped with the constant pranks and insults hurled on him or if he just really didn't care. If he was smart enough to just be above all the high school crap that she couldn't escape...

Her thoughts got interrupted by a hand on her right shoulder. Emily jumped a little in her seat and looked around. The class was filing out slowly, groups of friends talking as they left. She raised her head to see who woke her from her _Toby_ coma and smiled a little tightly at her boyfriend, Ben. His eyes held a sympathetic humor in them as he leaned down and whispered in her ear, "Sorry babe, but I'm glad it's you with the freak and not me." Kissing her cheek he left her in stunned silence. What the hell was that about?

Grabbing her bag from the floor, her eyes fell upon a beat-up pair of once white tennis shoes. Her head rose to meet his eyes. Toby adjusted the bag higher on his shoulder and waited for... what she wasn't sure. Her stomach tied in knots as she gathered her stuff quickly. It didn't go unnoticed by her that they were now alone in the room. She couldn't think of a time they've ever been alone together and she wasn't sure she wanted to start now. Emily stood up on the other side of her desk, sliding her purse on her shoulder and pushing her books into her chest, creating a barrier between them. Toby's blue eyes flickered from her crossed arms back to her eyes and for a split second she thought she saw disappointment in their depths. What he could be disappointed in, she didn't know.

Shifting her weight from foot to foot, Emily licked her lips. "Um..."

"Did you want to meet in the library during study hall to start?" He asked in his soft voice.

"Uh," _Shoot_- she panicked, _what are we starting? I knew I should have paid attention._ "Uh, sure?"

A small smile broke across his lips, "Was that a question or a statement?"

Her stomach jumped once she realized she would have to admit she had no idea what they were talking about, "A little of both." She sighed, "I don't really know what we're doing..."

He nodded, "I figured when you didn't react at hearing my name." His eyes shifted to the floor for a moment before meeting hers again. "We have to a Physics project. It's up to the partners to pick the subject matter."

"Oh," she nodded, tucking more hair behind her ear. "Okay, um, I have swim practice today after school, so study hall would be the best time for me." Emily moved the books against her chest to look at her watch. Lunch was about to start. "Well, um, I'll see you later then?"

Toby smiled again, "Was that another question or a statement?"

"Maybe a little bit of both," the right side of her mouth curled up in a half smile.

"I'll see you later," he confirmed. He waited another second, just watching her, then left her alone in the classroom. She watched him leave through the door and disappear from sight. Emily's stomach settled once she couldn't see him anymore. She couldn't tell if it was plain fear or just nerves that caused her insides to quiver, but she was sure it would mean trouble later on...

A/N: Should I continue? Oh and please forgive all my horrible mistakes...


	2. The High School Rumor Mill at Work

**Title: **_**The Cost of Being Different**_

**Chapter two**: The High School Rumor Mill at Work

/

* * *

Word traveled fast in high school. Between cell phones, text messages and good old fashion meeting in the halls to gossip. No matter what the news, it moved at lightning speed- especially when Toby was involved- and often got distorted on the way to the next person in the chain. In the time it took her to finish her conversation with Toby in their classroom to get to the lunch room to meet her friends, the word that he and she were doing a project together had already made it around the school. Of course the project part of the story had already changed to getting together to have some freaky meetings in the woods. Emily rolled her eyes as she stood in line to get her lunch and heard some of the whispers. The kids in this school amazed her sometimes. It wasn't like she wanted to work with Toby, the teacher picked the partners and enough people in class knew the real story, she sighed. _Really people_, she thought, grabbing an apple from the fruit display, _a sex party in the woods- how the hell did you get that from being assigned to work on a Physics project together_? Shaking her head, she handed the lunch lady some money to pay for her meal and went to find the table with her friends.

Waiving through the lunch tables was torture, every few feet she felt more stares, more whispers being thrown her way. If this was what Toby experienced everyday, she was even more astounded he hadn't snapped yet. That he somehow managed to keep his cool day in and day out. Emily wasn't keen on being the source for so much gossip. She liked being one of many in this school- except when it came to swimming, not one of the few that were on display all the time. Her body felt stiff from tension and the eyes boring holes into her back. Her hands felt clammy on the plastic black tray by the time she saw Hanna, Spencer and Aria sitting. She breathed a sigh of relief, placing her food tray on the table next to Hanna's and pulling out her chair. Emily pushed some hair behind her ear, keeping her head lowered. At least here with her closest friends, the whispers would stop.

"Is it true," Hanna asked in a hushed voice. Her crystal blue eyes sparkling with curiosity.

Emily closed her eyes- _or maybe they wouldn't_, she thought. "Is what true?" She asked, purposely taking longer than necessary opening her diet coke.

"Are you and Toby-" Spencer stopped looking around to make sure no one was listening in, "Are you and Toby hanging out?"

"If by _hanging out_, you mean being forced to do a Physics project together, than yes, we are," Emily responded slightly annoyed that her friends were jumping to conclusions. It was hard enough having to deal with all the gossiping from strangers- she didn't need them to start seeing something that wasn't there. The other three girls seemed to relax a little at her words. Emily studied each of them for a moment. "Why? What did you think was going on?"

Aria shook her head, her brown hair falling into her face, "Nothing. I mean we just heard some things and..."

"We wanted to ask you before the rumors got out of control," Spencer finished. "Although some already have." She admitted. Spencer picked up a grape and rolled it between her fingers. "We've got your back, Em."

Emily nodded, feeling a little better about things. She did the same thing she accused her friends of doing in her head- jumping to conclusions. Of course they would want to know what was going on. All of them were still dealing with the A situation and getting back on track as friends. They were just looking out for her. Emily smiled a little, settling back in her chair and picked up her apple. She twisted the stem around and around while the others talked, silently reciting the alphabet in her head. When she was little everyone said the letter the stem broke on was the first letter of your future love's name. She didn't know why she still did it. She didn't believe in such fairy-tales anymore- life had shown her more than enough for her to realize the future was random and sometimes completely unfair, but nevertheless she did it anyway. Emily felt the stem start to give way and then break on the letter T. Her stomach dropped. She put her apple back on the tray as if it was on fire and grabbed her coke instead, suddenly not hungry at all. _So what_, she reasoned, _it's just a letter. T didn't mean anything and it wasn't like Toby was the only guy with a T name I know. There is Tony and Travis from the football team, to name two_. The calm voice in her head, that sounded a lot like the voice of reason in their group of four-Aria, made Emily roll her eyes. She was letting all the rumors get to her too.

"So," Hanna shifted in her seat, leaning forward, "have any of you gotten any more texts from A lately?"

"Actually," Spencer said with a thoughtful look on her face, "no. Maybe with Ali's murder finally solved she-he-it's done with us." She poked her fork into a carrot and sighed. "I, for one, won't be sorry to see that nuisance go far away."

"But can we trust the silence," Aria asked. "We've thought we were done with it all before and they proved us wrong."

"That was before Ali's killer went to jail though," Spencer said. "I think we're finally free."

"I hope so," Hanna responded while applying a quick gloss to her lips. "I don't want to be freaked out by text anymore."

"It is nice to get a text and not see the name A attached to it," Emily agreed.

"Yeah," Aria said with a far off look in her eye. "I just still wish I knew why. Why do it at all?"

"To torture us," Spencer answered with heat in her voice. "The person was sick and got off on making us scared. They can't make us feel that way anymore. Ali's put to rest, her killer is in prison and we have our lives back. I couldn't be happier."

Hanna grinned with another twinkle in her eye, "Would Alex have anything to do with that happiness? Or is it just because A seems to be completely out of our lives?" Spencer's blush at the mention of Alex's name was all the confirmation the others needed. "I think we have a winner."

"Shut up," Spencer hissed, but the continued redness in her cheeks took most of the sting from her voice.

"We're happy for you Spence," Aria said rubbing her hand across Spencer's shoulders. "You deserve to have a great guy and Alex is one."

"Aria's right," Emily said with a small smile. "We're just teasing you."

Spencer smiled, her eyes lighting up. "He is a great guy, isn't he? I mean, he just- the way he speaks and knows me so well already. He called me last night at one in the morning just to tell me to stop studying for my Russian history test and get some rest, that he knew I would do fantastic and that he loved me."

"And now she's gushing," Hanna quipped with another wide grin. "I think I need to brush my teeth after all that sweetness."

The bell rung signaling the end of lunch before Spencer could say anything else. Hanna grabbed her hand and they walked out of the lunch room talking back and forth. Emily grabbed her tray, sticking the uneaten apple in her purse for later. And tossed the rest in the garbage. Aria stood next to her waiting for her to place the tray on the shelf next to the trash can.

"Are you okay, Em?" she asked, her big blue eyes watching her carefully.

"Yeah," Emily said, pushing her hair behind her ear again as they walked out into the hall. "Why wouldn't I be?"

Aria shrugged. "I don't know. I thought-" she paused as if trying to figure out how to put her thoughts into words. "I guess I thought you might be a little uncomfortable with all the Toby talk that's been going around school." Emily stopped by her locker with Aria still at her side. "I know how much you hate being talked about."

Leave it to Aria to figure her out so quickly. "It's just stupid rumors," Emily said. She grabbed her Trig book and placed it under her arm. "Once we finish the project, Toby and I probably won't even talk to each other again and the rumors will stop."

"Probably?" Aria arched her perfectly sculpted brow.

Emily's mouth quirked up. "We definitely won't."

Her friend nodded, not looking totally convinced in her words before she decided to pretend and smiled at her. "Okay, well I'll see you in English then."

"Yup, I'll be there," Emily said before heading in the other direction toward the math hallway. She saw Toby standing by his locker, their eyes met and she felt her heart pound in her chest. He pushed his books into this side bag and slammed the locker door. He nodded his head toward her, smiling the small smile that changed his entire expression. It lit up his already pretty blue eyes- when did she start thinking he had pretty blue eyes? Shaking the thought from her head, she nodded back at him. She couldn't help but wonder what he would look like with a genuine grin on his lips. He passed her in the hall, never saying a word. She stood frozen in place for a moment before finally forcing herself to move. On her way to her class her phone vibrated in her jean pocket. She shifted her books, reaching into the tight fabric and sliding her cell out. She tapped the '_new text_' screen, nearly dropping her books when she did. '_Once a liar always a liar. Some things never change... -A_' Her stomach fell. _A_ was back.

/

* * *

Toby heard the whispers. He was used to them. Some days all they were to him was white noise, but today- today wasn't one of those days. From all the short bits of conversations he's heard, he gathered that Emily and he were having orgies in the woods, he was befriending her so that he could sacrifice her to the devil- Jenna would love that one, another was Emily was dared to date him and then dump him- that one he could see if she had been her old friend Alison, but his favorite- and by favorite he meant the one that annoyed him the most was- he was using her to piss off the jocks and popular kids in the school. It unsettled him that anyone would believe he would use someone like her. Or that she would somehow let herself be used. He liked Emily. She was one of the few that didn't laugh at the pranks or call him names. She was one of the few that seemed like she wanted the others to stop, she just didn't know how to make them without being dragged down to the bottom with him.

He didn't blame her for not talking to her friends about all the crap they put him through. She was just trying to survive. And in high school, that meant staying part of the crowd. Stepping out, well that lead to being considered a freak. He understood, but he couldn't help thinking that she wanted to be more deep down. Maybe that's why he watched her. When no one knew- when she was by herself- he watched. And he saw. One good thing about being an outcast was that no one thought you saw anything. They didn't think about you at all, unless it was to torture you. So he observed. He took it all in. He liked what he saw in Emily.

She wasn't like her friend Hanna who used make-up to cover what she didn't want others to see. Emily was beautiful in a subtle way. It was almost shy. When she was happy she tilted her head to the side and smiled through her eyes. She did this the most with the three girls she considered her best friends. He noticed more and more Ben got a tight smile that never reached her brown eyes. She wasn't a genius like Spencer, but he knew from being in her classes she was so smart. Her mind worked in a different way and he really liked different. Emily could see the world in such a unique way, but she often stop herself before she revealed that part. She wasn't as out-going as Aria, but she stood out without trying to. Toby could pick her out of a crowd easily.

And maybe that's why he was excited to get to know her. He knew that she probably wasn't happy about being stuck with him for the two weeks the project was going on, but deep down- where he kept all his hopes and dreams hidden- he was.

"She'll never be what you want her to be," Jenna said as they walked from the bench they ate lunch at to her locker. "Toby- don't be foolish-"

He nodded, even though she couldn't see it and answered, "I know."

Boy did he know. The freak-that he was to the world- would never to anything more. Even if she was different, Emily was completely out of his league and to dream otherwise would definitely be foolish.

/

* * *

A/N: Thank you so much for the reviews. They mean the world to me. I really hope you like this chapter as well. Please let me know what you think and please forgive all stupid errors. Thanks!


	3. Sealing Fate

So I kinda forgot to put a disclaimer in the previous chapters. Oops! Here it is:

**Disclaimer:** I don't own Pretty Little Liars, any of the characters from the show/books. This story is merely fanfiction and I'm not making a profit on it, please don't sue.

* * *

/

**Title: **_**The Cost of Being Different**_

**Chapter Three**: Sealing Fate

/

* * *

Toby gripped his green shoulder strap tightly in his left hand as he moved down the hall toward the library. Jocks stood around him, their annoying laughter full of bravado- was grating on his nerves. _If only they could see how stupid they looked_, he thought, keeping his head lowered, _maybe they wouldn't be so quick to mock others_. He hated how all the football players acted. So full of themselves. They really believed the hype. They really believed they were the top of the food chain and no one else compared. The problem with their thought process was, eventually everyone graduated- a day that couldn't come quick enough for Toby- and those that worshiped them for their skill on the football field would move on and forget them. Of course in this town, high school glory meant a lot so maybe the lesson would be lost on the elite group of meat-heads that ruled the school now.

He shrugged the thought away. Like most of the stuff that happens in this town, there wasn't a whole lot he could do about it. Toby had just about made it out of earshot of the football players when he caught Emily's name being said. Toby slowed his steps to listen. He hoped another rumor hadn't started. The guilt of dragging another person into the hell that was his high school existence was heavy enough with Jenna, he didn't know if he could handle adding Emily to the load that rested on his shoulders. The rumors circulating now were ridiculous but would eventually run the course. As much as it pissed him off that high school was this way, it didn't chance the fact that once Emily was away from him again she would be free of the constant gossip.

"Emily still not giving it up?" One of the idiots in a blue Letterman's jacket said. Toby couldn't place the voice and didn't want to turn around to see the face. Best that he just continue to move down the hall...

"She will," Ben responded with a smirk, Toby just knew he would have a smirk on his face. "She's been a little cold lately, but next Friday after the game, at Jake's party... She'll be begging me for it."

The image of slamming Ben's head into the nearest set of lockers ran through his mind and filled him with murderous joy. To keep the impulse under control, Toby gripped the strap of his shoulder bag so tight his knuckles turned white.

"What are you going to do to make that happen?"

There was a pause and Toby counted the seconds in his head. He got to fifteen before Ben responded with, "I'm not going to make anything happen. Emily has teased me enough, she wants it, all I have to do is be ready. She's asking for it.." The rest of the conversation was drowned out by more laughter, the slapping of hands and finally disappeared as the jocks turned down a different hallway.

Toby stopped in the middle of the hall and closed his eyes, his body rigid. His blood was boiling and he could feel his hands close into tight fists, his nails dug into the fleshy part of his palm. He flashed back to his childhood when he first saw his mother get hit by her new husband, Lee. The sound of skin hitting skin shocked him. It was like a cannon going off in the room and he didn't know what to do. The arrogant son of a bitch made her feel like it was her fault. She wanted it. She asked for it. He sounded a lot like Ben did right then- the difference in context didn't really matter. Toby hated guys like him- guys like his former step-father. He was too young to help his mother and she died because of it. It took her three years, four restraining orders, countless trips to the hospital- to treat both of them because his step-father liked to include Toby in the beatings- for her to finally get free. She got a divorce from Lee and tried to move on with her life, it was hard and because of what Lee did to her-wrecking her self worth- she stumbled into drugs. On his twelfth birthday he celebrated by himself because his mother was passed out on the couch. It wasn't long after that his real father came back and took full custody of him. Toby regretted being weak and not protecting his mother. He regretted leaving her to live with his father while she struggled to stay a float. And he lived with that regret now knowing that there was no way to alleviate it. His mother was killed by his step-father when she took him back after he swore he had changed. He beat her to death and then fled. The bastard left his mother's broken body and skipped town.

There was enough evidence to convict him. Lee wasn't very smart and thank God for that. He was sent to prison for second degree murder, twenty-five years with no chance of parole. Toby thought he got off too easy. As far as he's concerned, Lee deserved to have the same fate his mother received. He deserved to be beaten until he begged for mercy and then have to realize there would be no mercy given.

He shook his head, trying to dislodge the anger and the memories. Ben wasn't Lee. Emily wasn't his mother. And even if the situation did happen- even if Emily did find herself with someone like Lee- would she really want the town freak to save her? He doubted it. But he would watch anyway.

Opening the library door, Toby walked quickly to the back. He knew exactly where he was going and why. There was a table far away from the windows, hidden in a corner behind the bookshelves, where almost no one could see you. It was quiet and free from prying eyes. It would give both of them some reprieve from the rumors and the people and it would give him a chance to study Emily.

He dropped his bag to the ground beside the chair he picked. It was facing the rows of shelves so he could see her when she finally got there. He pulled out his book, notebook, a pen and some pencils, putting all on the table. Flipping the Physics book open to the chapter they were working on in class, he tapped a beat against the wood surface thinking about the list he made in British History. Next he opened his notebook to a clean page and picked up one of the pencils. Closing his eyes, Toby imagined the most beautiful thing he could think of at that moment. He needed to focus on something good to get rid of the bad taste in his mouth from thinking about Lee.

It didn't take him long to find his muse. The picture was so clear, so easy to see that once it was there, he had no problem drawing her on the page. Emily. Her ebony hair cascading over her shoulders, some blowing across her face and neck with the wind as she stood at the top of a ledge. Her chocolate brown eyes a light with excitement, her arms outstretched to the side, welcoming whatever was going to happen next. A crooked smile on her lips. Toby sketched the scene and listened for her to walk up. He almost had the image of her completely finished when he sensed her presence in front of him. He shifted further down in his seat, to keep her from seeing what he was drawing. She hesitated a moment then set her books down on the table across from him. Toby flipped the page calmly, telling himself she couldn't have seen what he was doing, even though his stomach was doing somersaults. Looking up at her, he got lost in the endless pools of her eyes. Toby saw so many emotions there. So many things she tried to keep to herself and once again, he felt like she wasn't like the rest of her group. There was something more and he longed to know all her secrets.

/

Emily walked to the library slowly. Each step was measured. What would have been her normal pace was cut in half. She dragged her top teeth along the fleshy part of her bottom lip, looking right to left with quick glances. Most of the kids were already heading into other classes or had their heads buried in their lockers. No one really seemed to be paying her much attention right now. But that didn't stop her spine from straightening up. She couldn't quite shake the feeling that some omnipotent being was keeping a watchful eye on her every move. This had only a small amount to do with the gossiping teens that whispered when she walked passed and more to do with the text message that she received after lunch. Living with _A_ hanging around made her feel like she was living in a cloudy fishbowl. _A_ could see her, mess with her, taunt her, and Emily couldn't do a damn thing about it. It was frustrating and frightening. How could one person know so much about her and never reveal anything about themselves?

To say she was distracted through math and part of English-thank the heavens her friends were in that class - would have been an understatement. She dreaded getting her Trig quiz back. She wasn't even sure she spelled her name right at the top of the sheet. Her only saving grace on that was Trig came fairly easy to her and if she did fail the quiz, she was almost positive it wouldn't wreck her GPA in the class. Still she didn't relish seeing an F on the test or having to explain the grade to her mother, who was sure to find out. She sighed, balling her hands into fists against the books that were pressed into her chest. It wasn't fair that someone could have that much control over her. Especially a person she couldn't confront about it. She had to believe that knowing who was screwing with her mind would make the entire situation better. Like with all the gossip about her and Toby. Emily knew- could see with her own two eyes- who was talking about her. She could fight against it if she wanted to...with _A_ she couldn't.

Blocking her-his-it's texts would be a useless exercise, a complete waste of time. They've already tried that and it just made _A_ think outside the box, so to speak. She couldn't ignore it, like she could with the gossip and hoped it went away because she already knew it wouldn't. She was stuck and she hated it. Her father always taught her to be proactive- "_You want something Emily? In this life you have to go get it. Get your hands dirty and fight for what you want_," he would say. He didn't prepare her for a nameless, faceless opponent.

Emily looked up and stopped short. The library doors were only two steps away and suddenly all she wanted to do was run in the opposite direction. Taking a deep breath, she held it in her lungs and walked the final feet to the entrance. The burning in her chest forced her to release the air- which came out in a long whoosh. Her palm felt slick on the metal knob as she pulled the door open. The air felt cooler in the room and she shivered, stepping through the opening. Her arms wrapped more tightly around her books, trying to stop the involuntary shakes. Her brown eyes took a quick glance around the library for Toby's brunette head. There were a couple of groups scattered through-out. To her left were three freshmen girls- two wearing junior varsity cheer-leading uniforms- with their heads bent over a couple of notebooks and a shared text. Off to the right of them was a guy by himself reading _To Kill A Mocking Bird. _Twin white cords extended from his ears and his head moved with the beat of whatever song he was listening to at that moment. Behind him was Miss Hammond, the librarian and another male student. Her fingers moved quickly over the keyboard of her computer as she searched for the text the boy needed. To her right was another table of teens- two girls and four boys- discussing a subject back and forth in hushed tones- with one of the boys taking quick notes of the points being debated. Emily walked a little further into the library, passing empty tables as she went. There were another set of tables toward the back where some of the historic biographies were kept and she had a feeling that's where she would find Toby.

Emily checked the aisles between the stacks of books as she passed each of them to make sure he wasn't in one looking for a book or sitting on the floor with his own waiting for her. She pushed some of her hair behind her ear and gnawed at her bottom lip again. The last stack of bookshelves were on either side of her when she saw Toby with his head down at a table in the far right corner, away from the windows and hidden from view. He moved his pencil in sure strokes across the notebook page. His brow bunched a little in concentration before smoothing out again quickly. His body slumped further in the chair the more involved he got in whatever he was doing. Emily glanced behind her quickly then forced herself to continue in his direction. The nervous tightening in her stomach reached a maximum level and she had the sudden urge to run to the restroom and purge her breakfast. She rolled her lips together and dropped her books on the table in front of him. If she thought she would get a look of surprise from him, she was sadly mistaken. Toby merely turned the page in his notebook and looked up at her.

His ocean blue eyes held her captive for a moment. He seemed to be staring through her again. Emily felt uneasy by the intense look- no that's not what it was- she felt naked, exposed. Like he was exploring her soul for secrets and there was nothing she could do to stop him. She wrapped one arm over her stomach, keeping the other straight and gripped her elbow. He licked his lips and broke the stare, sitting up straight in his seat. She fought back another shiver and took her seat across from him.

"So," Toby removed a piece of paper from the back of his book that was folded in half and handed it to her. She arched her eyebrow, taking it from him. Opening the page, Emily saw a list of potential projects written in small, tight script. His handwriting was shockingly neat compared to most of the guys she knew. Glancing down the list she found one subject that made her pause: _Measure the tension of water on a swimmer going at maximum speed_. She looked up at him and he shrugged. "Just some ideas I wrote down in class. British History was boring today."

"So to reduce boredom, you thought about Mr. Kane's class," she whispered with a small shake of her head. "I think that might actually put me into a deeper coma."

"He isn't the most exciting teacher," Toby said with that small smile. "But I figured it would be easier to start with a list of ideas. I know you aren't exactly thrilled by having me as a partner."

"No," Emily refuted, "I'm fine with it." She paused and then leaned forward. The question she's always wanted to ask bubbled up her throat and out of her mouth, "How do you deal?" He arched his brow and shook his head, clearly not understanding the question. "With the pranks and all the stupid comments all the idiots in this school do and say to you?"

Toby's blue eyes cloudy slightly, "There's nothing I can do about it."

"It doesn't bother you," she responded doubtfully. "At all?"

"I didn't say that," he told her calmly. "I just said I couldn't do anything about it and I can't." He shrugged again. "And like you said they're idiots." She sat back and thought about what he said. It was true. He really couldn't do anything about the taunts or the rumors. The principal would always be quicker to believe the other students over Toby- even to her, he was a freaky boy that she had to keep in her school do to legal issues. She probably would take the opportunity to remove Toby from Rosewood Day in a heartbeat if she could. Emily felt ashamed. She could say something. She could easily talk to someone on Toby's behalf. But staying silent was easier. As if he could read her thoughts, Toby said, "It's okay you know. I'm not asking or trying to guilt you into doing anything. It's just the way of high school."

She nodded but the feeling of shame hung loose in her heart. Shaking her head, Emily studied the page he gave her again. "I kinda like this one," she placed the paper between them and used her perfectly manicured nail- Hanna's idea, all the girls went for manicures and pedicures- to the final idea on his list. "It could be fun."

"It's going to be a lot of work and take a lot of time to do," Toby warned. "I mostly put that one down because I like to build."

Some weird emotion seized her for a second and she smiled at him teasingly, "What you afraid to hang out with me?"

He looked shocked by her tone and as quick as the teasing feeling started it got extinguished by the realization she was supposed to be scared of him. He shook his head and said in the most honest voice she's ever heard, "No but I thought for sure you would be scared to hang out with me."

Emily's heart hurt a little at how he looked at that moment. Suddenly he wasn't that weird soul in the back of her class or someone that should be feared. He was just another teen. She felt comfortable around him, like maybe they had something in common. And that scared her more than anything. Steeling her resolve, she met his honest gaze with one of her own, praying he couldn't read her as well as she sometimes believed he could and shook her head, "No, I'm not afraid."

And with those four words, perhaps the biggest lie she's ever told in all her sixteen years, Emily felt her fate being sealed. Somehow she just knew she would regret what she just said.

/

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**A/N: **I want to thank everyone that has read this story. A special thank you to all that took the time to review it. I know that it's not the most brilliant piece on FF, but the kind words help me believe that maybe it's okay at the very least. I want to address one reviewer though- who wasn't so kind, but that's fine. I want to extend a thank you to them as well. Thank you for reading the story even if you didn't like it. =)

Once again, please excuse all stupid errors. No matter how hard I try to catch them before I post, I never can. If you leave feedback, it would make my day. I'd love to hear from you. I try to respond to each one. If you don't have an account with the site leave your name and I'll respond here in the author's notes. Thanks again!


	4. After School Special

**Title: **_**The Cost of Being Different**_

**Chapter 4:** After School Special

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**A/N:** Okay I think this chapter is kinda crappy, but it was needed to further the story. This is really a filler chapter. I hope you like it though... Oh and fair warning, I just finished writing this so the errors might be glaring and horrible. Please forgive them.

* * *

Spencer stood at her locker, gathering the books and notes she would need for a long night of work. Whatever deity possessed her to take Russian History, AP Chemistry, Advanced Calculus and Latin all in the same semester was definitely having a laugh at her expense now. The size and weight of the books alone was going to put her in traction for the rest of the year. Sighing, she tested lifting the bursting at the seams backpack, that she had placed on the floor. She was nearly sent backwards from the extra weight on her slender frame. Heaving the bag higher on her shoulder she closed her locker and headed down the hallway toward the front door.

Nodding at a few of the people she knew on her way out the door, Spencer heard her phone ring in the pocket of her purse. She paused thinking about her options. One she could try and angle her body to reach the phone, but that could lead to her falling none-too-gracefully on the hard tile floor of the hall. She quickly dismissed that plan. Two she could drop her backpack back to floor, grab her phone and then have to lift it again...that wasn't a pleasant option either. Her third seemed the most rational and wouldn't put her at the risk of tripping over- she would just let it go to voice-mail and call the person back. Deciding that's what she was going to do, she continued down the hall, her back screaming in agony the whole way.

Maybe tomorrow she would bring her rolling suitcase to handle all the books. At least with that she wouldn't throw her spine out of alignment. Breathing a sigh of relief at seeing her car in the parking lot, she hit the unlock button on her key ring. The sound of the car alarm chirping echoed through the nearly empty lot. Most of the students had already gone home or to their after school job, so there were only twenty or so cars left in the there. She noticed Emily's still parked in her assigned spot and looked back at the school. _Swimming practice must still be going on_, she mused looking at her watch. The small face with specks of diamonds and two thin gold hands read 4:20. Most of the school practices ended at 4:00, but others- like the football team, which were still running drills- ran very late. Spencer was relieved her field hockey practice wasn't that intensive today. Basic drills, some pep talks from her coach and they were done. Now she just really wanted to get home and call Alex. Thinking about hearing his voice brought a smile to her lips.

Opening the back door to her red BMW coupe, she gratefully dropped her bag on the seat. Spencer rolled her shoulders trying to work out the knots that formed from carrying her backpack from her locker to the car. Out of the corner of her eye, she thought she saw a flash of someone. Reaching into the pocket of her purse for her phone, she squinted toward whatever caught her attention on the edge of the parking lot. Blonde. Her stomach dropped and her heart lodged in her throat. The rational part of her brain instantly kicked into gear. _Not her. She's dead. Hanna's blonde, there are other blondes. You only saw a flash of something, someone._

Slamming the back door to her car, she moved toward where she saw...whoever she saw. Her tennis shoes pounded rhythmically against the pavement, her eyes constantly searched for something, finding nothing. Spencer stopped at the edge of the student lot and stared out at the dense line of trees that bordered it. There was nothing. Frustration built inside of her. More mind tricks. She really thought they were done with this. Maybe...maybe they never would be...

Her phone chimed in her hand and she looked at the screen. _New text message_. Spencer knew. Even without looking, she knew. Closing her dark eyes, she used the index finger of her right hand to bring up the message. Might as well see what hell _A_ has in store for her now, waiting would only delay the inevitable. Looking down, her breath caught in her throat and her blood ran cold. It was a photo. Of her. Standing at the edge of the parking lot.

The note underneath read: _I'm still here, bitch. And the fun is just beginning. - A_.

Spencer pushed her phone into her front jean pocket and backed away. She needed to get somewhere to think. She needed to tell her friends that _A_ was back, that whoever it was wasn't going away...that they still weren't safe.

/

* * *

Hanna sat on her bed flipping through the newest Cosmo magazine while listening to some mindless pop song. She hummed and bobbed her head in time with the music. Pushing her blonde hair over her shoulder, she sat up straight and read the article entitled "_Top Ten Ways To Turn Your Man On_". She bit her glossy bottom lip, trying to picture herself doing these things with Sean. It distressed her that she couldn't see them in that way anymore. Her gorgeous, perfect boyfriend seemed to have no interest in her. Even when they kissed lately, it's been without passion. It felt like two sets of lips touching and nothing like what she always wanted from him. She was getting to the point where she was starting to wonder if she just wasn't pretty or skinny enough for Sean. All those old insecurities rose to the surface. That she would never be the one he really wanted, she would never be Ali...

It was in those dark moments when she rushed to the nearest bathroom. When she stood in front of the mirror for long minutes, examining all the flaws she saw staring back at her. The chubby roundness of her face, the slight fullness of her belly, the way her legs seemed fatter in a pair of a skinny jeans than they should. The image got skewed and the only thing she could do to make it better was to jam her fingers down her throat. It was always the same. And she always hated herself after. Her dirty little secret. The way she lost the weight. The way she kept it off. No one knew and she silently prayed no one ever would.

Tossing the magazine full of beautiful people to the other side of the bed, she got up and walked to her computer at her desk. She quickly logged into her email, hoping for something- _anything_- someone- _anyone_ to pull her out of the funk she found herself in.

As if someone upstairs knew just what she needed, she found her happy pill in a simple message from Lucas. It was a picture he took of her while she stood in the sun when they went to the park two weeks ago. She wasn't dressed in her normal fashion runway clothes, instead wearing a simple white tank and a pair of black shorts. Her hair was thrown up in a messy ponytail and her feet were bare of shoes. Her eyes were closed and her cheeks were blushing from the sun and from laughing. A large smile touched her make-up-less lips. She looked like the Hanna that she was before turning into the It girl she was now. She liked what she saw. At the bottom of the picture was a small note that read: _I was looking at the pictures on my photo SD card and found this one. You looked so happy. I wanted to share it with you. I hope you like it. -Lucas_

"Thank you, Lucas," she whispered.

Her cell phone dinged on her bed, indicating a new message. She minimized the internet browser and walked over to check the text. Her mouth tightened and her throat went dry.

_Looks like hefty Hanna has a stalker. How cute! - A_

She dropped the phone back to the bed and ran to the door. Her hand gripped the door knob tightly. Her stomach rolled and all she wanted to do was get to the bathroom. She needed to get rid of this feeling. She needed to purge it all. Hanna's head hit the wood surface of the door, fighting with herself.

The chat box on her computer binged. She glanced over fearfully. _**PhotoGEEK**_ _has requested a chat_. Her heart steadied. She walked toward the desk slowly, nudging the mouse over to the blinking request. She placed her hands on the keyboard, typing, "Hey Lucas..."

* * *

The fighting was getting harder and harder to ignore. Music didn't cover it, she's tried every type known to man. Walking from the house helped, but only for a little while. The mess of her broken family was waiting for her when she returned from wherever she ended up. It was becoming too overwhelming for her and she hated that more than anything. In her house, in her life, Aria has always been the fixer. She's the one that can calm the storm, be an anchor. But with her parents, nothing she did seemed to help.

Her world was breaking apart and she wasn't fast enough at mending the cracks in her family. She pulled the blanket tighter around her shoulders and leaned her head against the solid wall behind her. She needed to feel something unshakable. Tears welled up in her throat at the words being spoken by her mother and father. She had no doubt they believed she couldn't hear them whisper harshly at one another. It was their mission to keep the tension low for her and her brother, but it didn't work. In fact it made it worse. False smiles and empty words of reassurance only made coming home that much more unbearable. Mike was rarely at the house anymore, preferring to stay with friends than deal with all the turmoil.

She couldn't blame him for wanting to be away from this place but Aria couldn't do that. She didn't know if it was because she was a glutton for punishment or if it was the nagging guilt she felt over keeping her father's affair a secret that caused her to return home every afternoon after school. It didn't matter though what the reason was, it didn't change the fact that she knew deep in her heart, her parents weren't coming back from this. Part of her just wished they would just get it over with and separate. All this animosity wasn't doing anyone any good.

Throwing the blanket from her shoulders, she grabbed her purse, checking for her phone and keys and hurried out the front door. She had no idea where to go, she only knew she had to get away. Her heart couldn't take anymore. Getting into her blue Camry Hybrid, she rested her forehead against the steering wheel. The tears that she'd been fighting since arriving home fell from her eyes in twin streams, she rolled her lips together stifling the sobs. Her hands shook as she gripped the wheel. Once the dam broke, Aria found it hard to stop the emotions from taking over completely. Everything flowed out in one giant rush. All the stress of keeping her father's secret, the texts from _A_, the fear of what would happen to Ezra if anyone found out about them...she cried it out.

Her sobs subsided into hiccups and she lifted her head from the wheel. She adjusted the rear view mirror to see how much of a mess she was. Wiping at the tracks her tears cut through her make-up, she stared at her red rimmed eyes. The control snapped. She dropped her hands from her face and started her car. Driving blindly down the streets of Rosewood felt good. She was tired of trying to be the stable one. She wanted someone else to be the rock for once and when her car finally came to a stop she wasn't at all surprised she ended up in front of Ezra's apartment building. Gathering her stuff, Aria climbed out of her car and rushed toward the front door, opening it quickly before her good sense stopped her. She walked the hallways of his building like she belonged there. Aria paused outside his door, hesitating a moment longer then curled her hand into a fist and knocked.

He opened up and they just stared at each other, quietly. "Aria," he breathed.

She felt another dam break inside of her, "Can I stay here for a while? I can't be at home right now." Stepping back, Ezra nodded. She ducked her head swiftly entering his residence. The sound of the door closing behind her caused a rush of air to escape her lungs. Keeping her back turned away from him, she closed her eyes and spoke as confidently as she could, "I know we promised to stay away from each other until I graduated but I really needed-"

Her words got cut off by him swinging her around and capturing her lips with his. The kiss warmed all the places in her soul that had turned cold. Her hands plunged into his soft brown hair, pulling gently at the strands. He broke the kiss slowly, resting his forehead against hers, "I don't think I can stay away from you and I'm always here when you need me, Aria." He took a step back, framing her face with his hands. "Do you want something to drink?"

Her voice disappeared. Speaking was impossible, so she nodded. He brushed his lips against her hair and walked into the kitchen. Her phone beeped to indicate she had received a new message. She searched her bag, finding the metal object in the corner. Tapping the screen, Aria read the text with a feeling of dread. She closed her eyes and tossed it back in her purse. The warmth Ezra breathed into her with his kiss left her instantly.

_Really Aria, kissing your teacher again...have you learned nothing from your dad? Secrets have a way of coming out - A_

* * *

Emily stood at her bedroom window after taking a shower to rinse the last bit of chlorine from her body, looking out at Alison's backyard- well it wasn't Ali's anymore. After her body was found her parents sold the house and it took months but someone finally moved in. Using the towel in her hand to rub dry her long hair, she watched the new girl. Everything was different. Instead of blonde slightly wavy hair, her new neighbor had curly black hair. Instead of relaxing in the sun like Ali used to, the new girl was doing yoga. The music coming from the backyard wasn't some hot new pop song, but rather a nature CD. Emily could hear the sound of waves crashing and seagulls squawking from beyond the glass.

She sighed, turning from the window. It felt weird having someone she didn't know living in that house. A part of her still couldn't quite believe Ali was gone. Out of all the people she knew, Ali was the one that seemed destined to outlive them all. Her very spirit was so full of life and boundless energy, it was impossible to comprehend that it was extinguished in such a cruel way, at such a young age. Fifteen and dead. No that was wrong. It wasn't the way it was supposed to go. Ali was supposed to be sunbathing in her backyard, giggling over some hot older guy. Emily was supposed to be able to look out her window and see Ali in hers.

Dropping her down, she rubbed at her eyes. Suddenly she felt tired.

"Emily," her mother called from downstairs. "Can you come down? I need you to do something for me."

Sighing again, she tossed the used towel on her clothes basket, yelling back, "On my way." Emily grabbed a rubber band for her hair and tied it up in a loose and messy ponytail. She took the stairs slowly, not in any rush to do anything. Reaching the bottom, she gripped the railing and stood still for a second, building a wall internally. She really didn't want her mom to see her weaknesses. With her father still in Iraq, her mom had enough to worry about. She didn't need her moody daughter to add more anxiety, especially when Emily had no idea what the source of her shifting emotions was. Squaring her shoulders, she entered the kitchen with a small smile. "What did you need mom?"

Her mother smiled at her from the other side of the counter. A large basket filled with cookies, wine and chocolates sat between them. "Did you see the new neighbors?"

Emily fought against the tightening of her muscles, "Yeah. Well, I saw they have a daughter. She was in the backyard." She moved toward the counter, resting her arms against a bar stool. "Why?"

"Well, I just thought that it might be nice to send over a little care package," her mom gestured to the basket. "And I was hoping you'd take it over there," Emily opened her mouth to refuse. Going over to Ali's house when Ali wasn't there...that seemed like she was betraying her friend or something. Her mom stopped her answer before she even voiced it. "I know it will be hard to go there, but like you said they do have a daughter. It wouldn't kill you to welcome her to Rosewood. She's probably overwhelmed and would enjoy knowing someone when she heads to school tomorrow."

Seeing that her mother wasn't going to accept no as an answer, Emily nodded, taking the basket in her hand. "Okay," she tucked some hair behind her ear with the other hand. "I'll go welcome her to the neighborhood." Emily walked out the front door toward the familiar house that felt completely alien to her. The closer she got the more uncomfortable she felt. The outside hadn't changed. There was still a crack on the first step and the white painted railing had a small chip in the wood from Ali's brother. In the sidewalk next to the stairs were all of the DiLaurentis family names. Emily's chest hurt from all the memories. All she wanted to do was drop the basket and run, but she didn't. She took a deep breath and tried to gather as much courage as possible and walked up to the door. She knocked once, then turned to face the street. She heard the door open behind her and closed her eyes before swinging back around with a small on her face. The girl that answered the door was the same one that was doing yoga in the backyard. The other girl leaned against the door frame with a confused, but friendly look on her face. "Hello," Emily said holding out the goodie basket. "Welcome to Rosewood."

Her new neighbor took the offering and placed just inside the house at her feet. "Thank you," extending her hand, she grinned. "I'm Maya."

"Nice to meet you, Maya," Emily replied shaking her hand. "My name is Emily."

Maya looked her up and down with a sly grin on her face. "Yeah, it's nice to meet you too. Would you like to come in?"

"Uh," Emily looked inside the house and shook her head. "I actually...um, maybe another time." Turning around, she quickly left the porch. The ghost of Ali seemed to be breathing down her neck. She heard footsteps behind her and slowed down a little.

"Is something wrong?" Maya asked.

"No," she twisted her hands together, looking at the new girl over her shoulder before facing her completely. "It's just," sighing Emily glanced back at the house, "one of my best friends lived there once. It's a little difficult to go in there now. Her death is still fresh."

"Oh," Maya walked toward her. Her dark eyes meeting Emily's. "Sorry to hear about your friend." Emily shrugged holding the emotions at bay by shear will. "Maybe we could go for a walk and you could tell me about her. I have a feeling once people realize where I live I'll hear a great deal about Alison, but it would be best to find out from you."

They were standing very close now and Emily paused, contemplating. She wasn't sure she wanted to share details about her friendship with Ali with this stranger, but she knew Maya was right. People would talk. They would whisper and none of those people knew the real Alison. Sometimes she wasn't sure she really knew her friend either. After another second of thinking, Emily nodded. They walked down the sidewalk toward Toby's house and Emily tried to not look for him, but couldn't stop herself. She bit back a sigh when she didn't immediately see him on his porch, where he sometimes sat. Emily and Maya talked briefly about Ali, but more about where Maya was from. As they moved their arms brushed against each other. Emily started to feel relaxed the longer they spoke.

It turned out to be easy talking with her. Maya was cool and enjoyed different things then most of the teens in this town did. She could see them becoming friends. Emily laughed at a joke, even gently nudged Maya's shoulder with hers. It was the first time in a year Emily felt nothing. No guilt, no sadness, no fear. It was like she stepped into bubble and all the bad stuff was left behind. She had no idea how long they walked but when they made it back to Maya's house it was dusk out. Standing at the base of her walkway, Maya reached out and pulled her into a hug. The contact shocked Emily stiff. She wasn't used to being hugged by someone she barely knew. Maya stepped back before she could really return the embrace and grinned.

"See you at school, Emily."

"Yeah, I'll see you there," nodding Emily started heading back to her own home bemused. Had she turned back at that moment she would have seen Maya, and further down the street Toby stand at the curb by his house, both watching her with very different expressions on their faces. One had a small grin and a twinkle in their eye, the other a confused and dejected frown.

* * *

Toby sat at the grill finishing up his homework. The place was about empty, only a few people hung around to talk and drink. No one bothered him. Actually they went out of their way to avoid him. Not that that was necessarily a bad thing. If no one came up to him, with the exception of Shelia his favorite waitress, and his step-mother's best friend, he got things done. The first draft of his paper on the Civil War and it's lasting effects on modern society was completed and just needed to be proofed then typed up. All of his Physics work was caught up for the next week, so he could focus on the project he had with Emily. And his Trig work was done as well as it could be, seeing as he didn't understand the subject matter as well as he would like. Toby never felt comfortable enough to talk with Mr. Barber about his confusion. Some teachers were welcoming to him and some were not. Mr. Barber was in the 'not welcoming to him' group.

He looked up from one of the more difficult problems to see the last of the diners leave. Toby knew it was time to gather his stuff as well. He stuffed the rest of his books in his shoulder bag and stood up, throwing some bills on the table for the three cups of coffee and the pie Shelia slipped him for a snack. He waited until he saw her to wave goodbye then left to walk the short distance home. It was one of the only things he liked about living in Rosewood, he could walk just about anywhere in thirty minutes and if walking was not a probable option, he had his motorcycle.

The sidewalks were mostly deserted by the time he started heading in the direction of his neighborhood. The few businesses that were open were slowly getting ready to call it a night. The lights that line the street were bright, even though the sun hadn't set all the way. He heard some laughing to his right and immediately straightened his spine. He didn't know who was chuckling or why, but he refused to appear small to them. He refused to disappear no matter how much they wished he would. And he knew exactly how much they wish he would.

Keeping the sigh that longed to get out to himself, he reached into his pocket and pulled out the small I-pod he had. Placing the ear buds in his ears, he blasted the first song he heard to drown out all the whispers, both real and imagined. Circa Survive's _In Fear and Faith_ started playing, he listened to the lyrics, even mouthing them as he strolled from downtown to suburbia.

The closer he got to his house the more he lowered the volume on his I-pod. There was nothing to drown out here. This neighborhood shut down at the first sign of night fall. It wasn't unheard of for him to be the only one outside for hours at a time after the sun set. And for that reason he loved the night. He loved the quiet. It was when he was the most free. He pulled the ear buds out of his ears and heard some talking in the distance. Emily's voice. Toby looked up and saw her hug someone he had never seen before. The young black girl closed her eyes briefly, holding Emily tightly to her.

Toby felt his insides shake. Envy. He was jealous that someone so new got to hug Emily before he even got to touch her. He knew he shouldn't feel that way. The object of his desire was freaked out by him at best and at worse feared he would do something horrible to her. Not exactly the beginning of a lasting love story. Toby lowered his head, swallowing the bitter lump in his throat. He reminded himself that Emily wasn't ever going to be his and to hope for her to see him was useless. His head rose just as Emily walked away from the new girl. The sad, confused frown he tried to keep at bay slid firmly into place. He hurried into his house and rushed up the stairs to his room. He stopped short at the door, dropping his bag in the corner.

"Jenna," he really didn't need this tonight. His head was already beginning to split. "Jenna, get out."

"Come on Toby," she stood up from her position on his bed, using her memory and his voice to find him. "Don't kick me out tonight. I just want to talk."

The pleading in her voice almost swayed him, but he knew that if he gave in it would be a mistake. Too many things could go wrong. He was vulnerable, she was willing and always had been. Jenna and his relationship, it was blurry...there was no clear line there, unless he enforced one. Walking toward her, Toby took her hands in his and lead her to the door. "Not tonight, Jenna."

Her lips tightened in a thin line. "She has a boyfriend. She'll never like you in the same way you like her. Why are you doing this to yourself?"

Toby didn't have an answer, so he avoided the question. "Goodnight."

His step-sister and former lover stood still for a moment, then exited the room. Toby waited until he heard her door shut firmly behind her before he closed his. Walking to his window, he moved the curtains out of the way and stared out at Emily's house. Jenna was right. He shouldn't hope for something that will never happen. No matter what he had to stop. If he didn't, he would be only setting himself up for heartbreak.

/

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**melsings4u:** Thank you so much for the comment! It makes my night to know that you think I'm doing Emily and Toby justice. =) Thank you so much again!

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A/N: Please let me know what you think of this chapter. I love and live on feedback. Thanks!

P.S. Sorry about all the angst. LOL I will be getting to the romance very soon. =)


	5. Finding Common Ground

**Title: **_**The Cost of Being Different**_

Chapter 5: Finding Common Ground

=[]=

Four days. They'd been working steadily for four days, after school in the library, through email- once, and they talked briefly on the phone. Researching their project wasn't as bad as she thought it would be. Each worked quietly and efficiently. Both stayed focused on the task at hand. Neither discussed the rumors still circulating about them. While they rarely talked about anything personal (or anything outside building the launcher for their project), Emily learned some interesting things about Toby anyway. She found out he was a brilliantly talented artist from the sketches he did of the rocket launcher.

"_You drew these?" she asked, reaching across the wood surface and pulling the pages closer to her to study the pencil drawings. Each piece, each step was depicted in simple designs. Emily looked up and noticed him blush a tiny bit. She gave him a small, sincere smile, "They're really good."_

"_I sometimes understand things better if I can see them," he shrugged, ducking his head and taking the page from her loose grasp. "It especially helps when I'm building something. I can have trouble with written instructions, like socket D connects to rod R, but pictures-" his cobalt eyes collided with her brown ones. "I get."_

_She nodded, filing away the information and got back to work._

A day later she learned that they shared the same taste in music, which she realized when she saw the back of his notebook and commented about the drawings that looked exactly like a CD she had.

_He closed his notebook, flipping it so the back showed. She stopped and noticing the small pictures that filled the tan surface. Something clicked inside her brain and she grinned. "You like Circa Survivor?"_

_Toby's eyebrow rose and he turned to look at the back of his notebook. "Yeah, you?" She nodded. "How did you find out about them? People around here don't usually know their stuff?"_

"_My cousin," Emily admitted, standing from her chair to gather her stuff. "I don't really get to talk about them much, because like you said, very few people know about them around here. Have you heard their latest CD?"_

"_It's incredible," Toby grinned. His face lighting up. She was momentarily stuck by the way his blue eyes sparkled. "The entire CD is on repeat on my I-pod." They started walking from their safe, quiet spot in the library toward the door, where they would once again go their separate ways. "Hey, listen, if you, um, if you like them- you should really check out another band I know about." He paused, shifting his bag higher on his shoulder. "I could make you a CD if you want..."_

"_I'd like that," she responded quietly. They stood there staring at each other for a beat, before her good sense finally kicked in and she smiled once more at him then continued walking toward the door. She didn't turn to see if he was following or not._

He studied at the Grill because it was quieter than being at home.

_She tapped her pen against the edge of her book and waited for something inspiring to pop in her head. Emily could feel his eyes on her as she gnawed her bottom lip raw. It was too quiet and she couldn't concentrated on the work in front of her. So many thoughts were running through her head and none were related to figuring out the mass/velocity ratio she was supposed to be figuring out. Dropping her pen, she folded her arms and lowered her head onto them. A pounding headache began to form just behind her eyes from all the stress. _

_It was official- _A_ was back. Or maybe she-he-it never left. Whatever. It didn't matter. What mattered was, Emily didn't think she could take much more. Lifting her head, she bit back a sigh at the concerned look in his eyes. _

"_Are you okay?" he whispered_

Okay_? When was the last time she could say she was without lying just a little bit? Sighing fully this time, she nodded, "Just a headache." Pushing the book she was using away from her, she leaned back in her chair. "I think I've been staring at these words too long. I'm sure it will pass if I take a little break."_

_Toby didn't look convinced and she couldn't say she blamed him too much for doubting her story. It sounded lame even to her. "We could go somewhere else..."_

_She hesitated. "I don't know..."_

"_I usually study at the Grill, a change of scenery could help," he gathered his books up and placed them in the bag at his feet._

"_The Grill," she shook her head. "Why would you study there? Why not at your house?"_

"_It's quiet. I can think better."_

_She watched him and wondered what he meant. His eyes wouldn't meet hers and she knew that he didn't want to talk about it. _We all have our secrets_, she thought. _Weren't you just thinking about one of yours?_ Placing the newest piece of information in her Toby file, she shook her head. "Maybe we should just call it a day. We could meet up early tomorrow, before school or something."_

"_Okay," he said with a tiny nod. "See you tomorrow." _

Toby was also a great listener. His icy blue eyes always stayed on hers while she talked, unlike with Ben- whose eyes often ended up looking at her chest, and she could tell he really heard what she said. Her thoughts and opinions mattered to him. It was ...nice. The times they were together were nice. More than nice, if she was being honest with herself. In the back of the library, after school, away from all the people, away from her friends, when it was just them, she actually enjoyed herself. Well she enjoyed being around him, the actual work not-so-much.

Physics just wasn't her subject and she would admit that to anyone that asked. Emily had no idea why that was. It wasn't that she couldn't do the work, she could. Science and math were always easy for her. In those subjects there was always a right answer. There wasn't any room for gray, for interpretation. Coming from such a strict family, that made sense to her. (Kind of a funny when she thought about it, considering she spent most of her day confused about her life) Physics should have been like Trig to her, an oasis from all the crap. Instead, it was a class that she dreaded going to everyday. But she didn't dread this project. Emily didn't hate coming to the library and studying with Toby. In fact she secretly looked forward to it. Part of her counted down the minutes, waiting anxiously to be at that table again. That part of her was growing daily. And that was something she tried not to focus on too much.

But today was different. Today they weren't in the quiet of the library or talking in the late night hours through email or the phone. Today they were out in the open and Emily felt the difference. She walked down main street with Toby a step behind her heading to the hardware store for supplies. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she lowered her head slightly trying to appear smaller. She thought she had gotten used to the eyes on her, but she was very wrong. She breathed a huge sigh of relief when she saw the store in front of her. She was startled by the door opening for her and looked up to see Toby standing off to the side. Her lips curled in a small smile. Another fact she learned: Toby was a gentleman. It was also another piece of information she tried not to dwell on too much. It didn't always work, especially when he showed her over and over again how kind he was and how much of a jerk her own boyfriend was. Emily couldn't remember the last time Ben held the door open for her... Or picked up her book when she dropped it accidentally. Toby has done that as well. She wondered if he was always like that, or if he saved that part of himself for her. And those thoughts always led to fantasies. Ones that she kept buried. Ones that surprised even her when she started having them. Ones where it was okay to look into his eyes for long periods of time and try to figure him out, figure out his secrets. Emily bit back a sigh. They were fantasies that would always stay locked inside of her if she had anything to say about it.

Toby's eyebrows came together and his beautiful eyes clouded in confusion. Her stomach dropped a touch when she realized she had spent too much time looking at him, thinking about him. Her small smile turned embarrassed and she quickly ducked into the building to avoid the questions she could see in his eyes. The familiar smell of tools and wood met her nose as soon as she walked in the door. She inhaled deeply. Water burned the back of her eyes, she blinked the unexpected tears away. Her heart hurt as she moved away from the door. Her dad. This place always reminded her of her dad, her hero, the man that fought for the country he loved almost as much as he loved their small family. Emily took deep breaths to calm the wave of emotion. She couldn't, _wouldn't_, cry in public. Tears were for the dark, when she was in her room, under the covers and her head was turned toward the soft pillow to muffle the sounds of her sobs. A hand fell to her shoulder and she stiffened. Without turning, she knew who was behind her and it warmed her heart as well as broke her a little. She didn't want to be weak and she didn't want Toby to comfort her. Steeling her resolve, she moved purposely away from his touch and pulled out the list of things they needed from her back pocket. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw some of the shoppers stop and stare at them. She also saw Toby hesitate before following her. She sighed quietly. She hadn't meant anything by walking away, she just couldn't handle the pity...

"Okay so this is what I think we'll need," Emily said, walking through the aisles of the hardware store with Toby trailing behind her. She noticed him tense up and knew they were both conscious of the whispering and looks that were being directed at them. Gripping the list tighter in her hand she refused to meet anyone's gaze. They were there to get supplies, that's what she kept reminding herself, because if she didn't, she had a feeling she would be running for the door. Emily picked up some PVC pipes of different sizes and held them up for Toby to examine. "Which one?"

He looked at the selection and got a thoughtful look in his eye, coming to stand next to her. Toby plunked the white tubes from her hands, their fingers brushing as he did- causing her heart to jump just a little, and flipped each over to analyze them. Emily bit her bottom lip and tried not to focus on heat radiating off of him. She leaned a step closer, enjoying his body so close to hers. He placed the smaller PVC back on the shelf, seemingly unaware that she had moved at all. Licking her lips, she watched him carefully, letting her mind wonder again. What would his arms feel like around her? Would his kiss linger on her lips the way she read about them doing in books or would it be like Ben's- sloppy and underwhelming? When Ben kissed her, she was always thinking, never feeling completely comfortable in his embrace, but she just figured that's how some couples were...until Spencer talked about her kisses with Alex. She could imagine Toby being like Alex. Her gaze dropped to the floor and her cheeks flushed.

She needed to stop thinking about him. Before they became partners, her secret musings about him were so fleeting and sporadic that she wasn't concerned about having them, now- after spending hours with him alone, she was concerned. Emily was finding it more and more difficult to remember that Toby was supposed to be scary to her, not someone she imagined kissing.

"I think this is the one that will work the best," he said. Toby held up a pipe that was about eighty centimeters in length, pulling her out of her thoughts. She nodded, not knowing what to say and not trusting her voice anyway. "What else do we need?"

Clearing her throat she read over the list out loud. "A wooden dowel about 77 centimeters, some ball bearings, a block of wood- about 4 inches long and three inches high, wood screws and a pipe cap, copper and plastic sleeves." Folding the paper in her hand, she met his eyes. "The rest you and I have already found in our garages."

Nodding he placed the pipe in the basket at his feet. He picked it up and waited for her to lead the way through the store. She had no doubt he knew where everything was, he was just being a gentleman once again. The bell over the door rang while they were standing in the lumber aisle, she looked over and tensed up. Ben walked in with three of his football friends- Jake, Sam and Randy- heading right for them. Emily glanced quickly up at Toby and saw he too had noticed them coming their way. He tightened his grip on the basket, his knuckles turning white and he took half a step in front of her. Her brow wrinkled in confusion at what could only be called a protective stance. Why would she need protection from Ben?

Ben breezed past Toby with a hard shoulder to shoulder bump and wrapped his arm around her. "Hey babe," her boyfriend breathed, nuzzling her neck.

Emily's body stiffened even further. Her eyes shifted all around the store, becoming increasingly uncomfortable with the display Ben was putting on. She was never a big fan of PDA. Hand-holding-yes, definitely. Chaste kissing- sure when appropriate. Hugging- no problem. But Ben's face buried in her neck, while one hand ran up and down her side and the other gripped her tightly- she just couldn't handle that. Emily tried to come up with a plan that would get her a little distance from Ben, but would not alienate him completely. Her eyes fell on Toby, he held her gaze, searching for something. Whatever he was looking for, he found it, because he nodded at her subtly and grabbed her hand.

"We should really be going, Emily," Toby told her in a calm voice. "We have a lot to do and only a week to finish."

Relief flooded her body and she almost sagged with it, probably would have too, had Ben not been holding her so tightly. She nearly winced at how hard the fingers of his left hand dug into her upper arm.

"I don't think Emily wants to go with you, freak," he growled at Toby and this time she did wince. She watched Toby closely to see if she could identify a reaction to the word. The only noticeable- and by that she meant, if she hadn't been paying close attention she wouldn't have seen anything at all- difference was his jaw clenched a bit. "Why don't you go and find a bunny to boil?" Ben's friends laughed like the good little trained monkeys they were. She shifted onto her heels and pulled away enough to break Ben's hold on her. Ben's brown eyes narrowed a fraction. "Where are you going Em?"

She measured her words in her head. She didn't want a confrontation. She didn't want to cause an even bigger scene. She just wanted to get away from all the people that were no longer pretending not to stare at the teenagers. Taking Ben's hand in hers, she smiled as genuinely as she could while her insides were shaking. "Toby's right, Ben. We have to finish our project. You know how much my grades matter to my dad. I can't let him down." Ben's eyes cleared of any suspicion and he nodded. "I'll call you after we're done." She squeezed his hand and turned to go, but he wouldn't release her. Emily frowned.

"Aren't you forgetting something," Ben said in a teasing manner. Her frown deepened. What could she have possibly forgotten? He sighed and leaned forward, capturing her lips in a bruising kiss. It didn't take a genius to figure out the message he was sending to everyone watching. It said, '_**SHE'S MINE,**_' in big bold letters. Pulling away, Emily had the real desire to wipe the kiss from her lips in disgust. "Call me on my cell. Jake's uncle is out of town for the night and we're going to have a little party at his house on the lake. I'll pick you up from your house when you're ready to break free from this psycho."

Once again her eyes flew to Toby's. He stood still, not moving a muscle and she felt horrible. The words, '_He isn't a freak. Stop calling him a psycho, you jerk,_' stuck thickly in her throat. Why couldn't she just stand up for him? These past four days have taught her a lot. Everything that everyone thought in this town in regards to Toby was wrong and she knew that, but she didn't contradict Ben when he insulted him. Instead Emily untangled her fingers from Ben's and said softly, "I'll call you."

They gathered the rest of the materials they needed for the project quickly. When they got to the counter, she reached into her purse for her wallet to pay for her half. He held out his hand to stop her and handed the cashier a fifty. She hesitated putting her wallet up. Toby grabbed the bags and waited for her to walk in front of him. She pushed her hair behind her ear, walking slowly, wanting to say something, but not knowing what would be best. He opened the door for her again, pushing against the bar across it with his back. She took a second to meet his eyes. The crystal blue orbs were haunted and she knew she helped put that look in them. The sick, horrible feeling in her stomach increased. Licking her lips, she opened her mouth, hoping the right thing to say would just come to her.

"I'm sorry," Emily sighed. It wasn't enough. Sorry didn't cover everything, didn't even come close.

"You have nothing to apologize for," his voice held a tightness to it that wasn't there before Ben walked up. She got the distinct feeling he was locking her out. She shouldn't be surprised. They weren't friends, not really and it wasn't like she was sharing anything personal with him, but it still stung a little. The bags rustled in his hands and she reached out to take one. Toby shook his head, "I got it."

Emily nodded, walking a little further down the road then stopped, turning toward him and words exploded from her in a rush, "He isn't always like that you know. He can be really cool. Ben just..."

"You don't have to defend him to me," he cut in, starting to walk again. "He doesn't know me and frankly I don't want to know him." She looked away from him, not blaming him at all for that statement. If the roles were reversed she could say she wouldn't want to know Ben either.

A thought struck her and she touched his bare forearm to stop him again. He looked momentarily stunned that she would place her hand on him. Her skin tingled where it made contact with his and she fought with the impulse to snatch her hand back. Swallowing that desire with a force she didn't know she possessed, Emily's fingers curled around his arm. She licked her bottom lip, "Why did you want to know me?"

He shrugged, "You're different."

That's all he said and maybe that's all he needed to say. She removed her hand from his arm and nodded. They continued walking toward her car, while she contemplated his words. Was she really different? Was he just being nice again? Confused thoughts swirled in her head. She didn't feel different. Emily didn't feel like she deserved to have him believe that about her. Pulling her keys out of her purse, she hit the unlock button and they each got in. Clicking his seat belt in place, Toby turned to her, gazing at her intently. She met his expression with some trepidation. "Can I ask you a question now?"

'_No_,' was on the tip of her tongue, but she said, "sure" instead.

"Why did you get so sad when we walked into the hardware store?"

She faced the windshield, tightening her grip on the steering wheel. "My dad." She shook her head, knowing that didn't explain anything. Swallowing some fresh tears, she turned back to him. "He's been in Iraq for three months now. It's his fourth tour of duty. When I was little," she stopped, trying to figure out a way to explain it. "He used to fix things around the house. DIY. He always did it himself and when I was little I would follow him everywhere. We spent a lot of time in that store." She shrugged. "I didn't think I would react that way. I guess I just miss him more than I thought I did and- and I'm worried about him."

Toby placed his hand on her shoulder again and squeezed gently, this time she didn't shake away. She wanted the comfort. She needed it. "I'm sure he's fine. He's thinking about you and missing you desperately."

A tear slipped past her defenses and she wiped at it. "Yeah," nodding her head, she turned the key in the ignition. Before she pulled out of the parking place, she smiled at him. "Thanks." Pause. "And I'm sorry again."

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Emily drove through town carefully. Her eyes focused completely on the road, while his were focused completely on her. "Why do you stay with him?" he asked then immediately wished he could take the words back. She flinched at the question. Silence fell between them. An uncomfortable, thick silence that Toby hoped would never enter their conversations. "Sorry," he mumbled, "it's none of my business. I shouldn't have asked."

The radio talked quietly, but Emily still stayed mute. He turned away from her, angry with himself for even asking. Why would he think she would talk to him about Ben? Who did he think he was? Her friend? Someone she trusted? He knew better than that. He was just some guy she got stuck with. Some guy she had to deal with.

But occasionally... occasionally he caught her looking at him. Questions in her eyes. As if she was trying to dissect him, figure him out. Sometimes, he let himself dream that she thought about him as much as he thought about her. That she felt the closeness he was starting to. That she enjoyed their time together as well. It still amazed him she knew who Circa Survivor were. How many people in this town did? How many people in her inner circle did? He couldn't think of any and that had to mean something.

When he told her she was different, he knew she didn't believe him. Her demeanor changed after the run in with Ben. Emily has always been closed off, but before Ben got there she was okay. Maybe a little tense, he could tell she didn't like being the center of attention unless she was in the water, but Ben's presence had made her more ill at ease. Toby also noticed Ben's grip on her arm. He didn't think Emily knew, but there were red marks on her upper arm from where Ben's hand was.

Toby gritted his teeth. Bruises would replace those marks. Red would darken into a repulsive black and blue. He knew the progression of bruises better than most, having watched them form on his mother, on his face. His shoulders felt tight, the muscles of his back clenched. He wondered if those were the first to grace her beautiful skin or if Ben had been rough with her before...

"Ben," her small voice startled him out of his anger. "He can be intense and a jerk, but... He- he does have a good side. We were friends before we got together and I guess I still remember him that way." Her eyes never left the road and her voice never got stronger. "When we're alone- he- he doesn't act like that." Toby didn't say anything to that statement, mostly because he didn't believe her. And he didn't think she really believed it either. The words sounded eerily familiar. He could almost hear his mother's voice. "I'm sorry he acted like that to you. He shouldn't have called you those names."

"I told you, you have nothing to apologize for," he assured her. "I'm used to being called that and worse."

"Maybe. But I should have said something," her eyes shot to his.

"Emily," he smiled at her to put her at ease. "I'm a big boy. I can handle some morons. Besides," he laughed, "he didn't get what he wanted. You didn't fall in line. You didn't laugh with his minions. You left with me. I'm not sure he was expecting that."

A ghost of a smile curled her lips, "No, I don't think he was."

Another silence fell between them, this one an easy one. He leaned his head back and watched the world pass his side window. The music changed and a new CD started playing. He fought back a grin when he recognized it as the one he made for her. The volume increased and her voice joined the singers. It was soft, she didn't sing too loud, but he heard her. The smile he fought earlier revealed itself.

They pulled into her driveway before he knew it and she turned the ignition off. He reached down, gathering the bags that were at his feet and got out. Emily came around the back of the car and stood at his side. "So did you want to get the stuff from your garage and-"

"Emily, hey," the new girl, Maya- he learned her name from Emily- came across the yard, interrupting her.

"Hi, Maya," Emily smiled, moving in-between them.

"What are you up to?" Maya placed her hand on Emily's arm. His eyes zeroed in on the touch. She rubbed Emily's forearm a couple of times before just resting it there.

"Oh, um, Toby and I are just working on our Physics project," Emily looked back at him, "Have you met Toby?"

"No," Maya's smile turned a bit false- or maybe that was just his opinion. She held out her hand. "Nice to meet you, Toby."

"You, too," he shook her hand, releasing it quickly.

Maya returned her attention to Emily, "Are you done? I heard about a great consignment shop. I bet we could find some amazing clothes there."

"Uh," Emily hesitated.

"We could always meet up later," Toby told her, even though he hoped like hell she wouldn't take the opening to leave. "I can get the other parts we need ready and start building."

"Sounds great," Maya grinned. "I'll go get my purse."

She turned to go back in her house, but Emily stopped her. "Maya, wait," the other girl turned her head to look at her. "I can't go with you. At least not today. I can't leave Toby with all the work."

"He did offer," she reminded Emily.

Emily looked at him with that ghost of a smile, "I know. But it's our project, not just his." She faced Maya again, "How about we go tomorrow? It's Saturday so we'll have a lot longer to shop."

The smaller girl nodded, grinning widely. "See you tomorrow."

Emily swung around to face him and Toby waited until Maya was back inside before talking. "You could have gone if you liked." He pointed toward his house. "The building of the launcher shouldn't be that hard. I could have had most of it done."

She shook her head. "I know I could have gone, but I didn't want to." He tried not to read too much into that, but truthfully it was hard, because he wanted to read something into it. "I'll go get some tools and meet you over at your house in a minute."

"Okay," he said watching her walk away from him.

He had to force himself to leave and head to his own home. A small part of him gloated that she chose him. Over Ben. Over Maya. But an even bigger part of him warned that it wouldn't always be that way and he needed to keep up his guard. A task that was becoming much harder to do.

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**Melsings4u **- I dig Toby and Emily as well. Just love them and the chemistry they share. Thank you so much for the kind words. It means so much that you enjoy the story so much. =)

**KarismaJulian4Ever** - The romance is coming. LOL I'm hoping that the next chapter will have the first touches of it. Thank you for the review!

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Thanks to all that have been reading the story. I love reviews. Please let me know.

A/N:


	6. Life Is A Dance, You Learn As You Go

**Title: **_**The Cost of Being Different**_

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**Chapter 6:** Life is a Dance. Learn As You Go

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"Are you sure?" she bit her lip, wincing slightly as she looked down at her right palm. Curling her hand away from him every time he got close. Emily looked so scared by what was coming that he immediately felt sorry for her. He didn't dare tell her it was her fault. He told her not to touch it. That he would handle the mess later. He was used to handling messes. "This is the only way?" Her dark brown eyes pleaded with him to stop, to think, to have mercy on her.

Toby tried really hard not to be swayed by those eyes. She really could talk an Eskimo into buying a bag of ice. He sighed. "You know it is." He shifted the tweezers in his grip. "Come on, Emily, give me your hand. It will be a lot faster and hurt a lot less if you just let me help you."

Her mouth twisted, her eyes narrowed. "Liar." He raised his eyebrow. "It's going to hurt no matter what."

"I didn't think a little bit of pain would bother you," he challenged,knowing she was a competitive soul and a challenge would definitely get a rise out of her.

"A _little_ bit wouldn't," she countered quickly, standing from her kneeling position on the floor of his garage and moved quickly away from him. "It's the _lot_ of pain that's the problem." She examined her palm again, poking at the glass shard they found sticking out of it. Her defiant eyes started to water. "I'm sure it will be fine. You don't need to pull it out with those," she pointed to the tweezers, "or use that," she nodded to the bottle of rubbing alcohol sitting next to him. Which he suspected that was what she was really avoiding. He understood, putting alcohol on an open wound hurt like a bitch, but it cleaned it and that's what counted. "I can do it on my own." She jutted out her chin as if daring him to deny that fact.

Sighing he advanced on her slowly. The accident happened so quick. One second they were talking about school. He was telling her about his problems with Trig and she was offering to help, which frankly made his day- no week- oh hell who was he kidding, it was like Christmas, his birthday and Halloween all rolled into one- the next all hell broke loose. The bolt he had already loaded in the launcher to test it, sprang from the half finished tube. He had barely touched the trigger and a bunch of inappropriate premature firing jokes popped into his head. He didn't say them out loud so he gave himself points for that. The bolt bounced off an old glass jar filled with old washers and screws, causing it to fall from the shelf it was sitting on. The jar broke into pieces on the hard cement floor almost in slow motion. The whole scene was straight out of a ridiculous, slap-stick comedy. Because really what was the likelihood of it happening in that fashion again? Emily immediately jumped up to clean the mess, even though he told her not to worry about it and that when a large piece sliced her hand.

Her yelp of pain was all it took to have him on his feet and at her side. Rudy red blood dripped from her wound, dropping to the floor in circular spots. It didn't take him long to see the piece still in her hand. He stood up and ran into the house, grabbing the tools he needed to help remove the invader in her palm. Luckily, from what he saw, the gash wasn't deep or too big. It was about one and a half inches long and he knew it would heal without stitches or staples.

Snapping out of his thoughts and back to the present, he tilted his head, "The question is will you do what needs to be done." She shifted her eyes away from him. "If I promise to be as gentle as possible," Emily looked up at him through her eyelashes. He found the expression to be extremely sexy and knew in his heart of hearts she wasn't trying to be alluring. It was just her. He swallowed, praying that he didn't embarrass himself. "If I promise to be gentle, will you let me help you?"

She hesitated a moment longer. He watched the different emotions pass across her face. Fear. Pain. Worry. Distrust- that one hurt, he wasn't going to lie- It went away quickly though. Acceptance. And finally she held her hand out to him. He chanced a look in her eyes again before he touched her. She met him, stare for stare. He found what he was looking for and nearly sagged in relief. She let herself trust him. She let herself believe- even if it was only for this moment- she let herself believe that he wouldn't intentionally hurt her. Toby smiled at her, taking her hand in his. He gripped the tweezers in his other hand, carefully bringing them closer to the wound.

Emily flinched before he could do anything and he bit his lip to stop from laughing. Her eyes narrowed into slits. "Are you laughing at me?" He shook his head, but the mirth was obvious and soon he couldn't mask it. She attempted to snatch her hand back. "It's not funny!" Toby nodded. "Stop laughing," she growled.

He sobered up as fast as he could. Taking a deep breath, he apologized, "I'm sorry. You're right it's not funny."

"Then why did you laugh," her voice hissed. The fierceness was somewhat tempered by the hurt in her eyes.

"Because," he shook his head, using the distraction of the situation to his advantage and removed the shard quickly. "I can't believe this happened." Toby plucked the glass from her skin and pulled it out gently. She didn't move or cry out and for that he was glad. "The whole day has been filled with unreal things happening." He stepped away, holding the tweezers in front of him to show her the first part was done. Her crooked smile appeared. "I'm sorry you got hurt."

"Wasn't your fault," she sighed, examining her wound again. "I should have been more careful." Her demeanor stiffened. "But is it necessarily to use that? Isn't there anything else available?" He reached down toward the bottle of alcohol, shaking his head. Emily closed her eyes, "fine let's get it over with." This time, he was the one that hesitated. He didn't want to cause her pain. He didn't want to bring tears to her eyes. If he could switch places with her, he would- in a nanosecond, but he couldn't. Toby wavered, trying to come up with another way. Emily opened one eye, then the other. She licked her lips then smiled. "It's okay." Her voice was stronger than earlier. And then she said the words he most needed to hear and the ones that scared him the most, "I trust you."

He didn't think she knew how much those three words meant to him. It wasn't so long ago that she would have backed away at the thought of being in the same room with him, now she was letting him help her and telling him she trusted him. Toby nodded and took a cotton ball from his pocket, wetting it in the alcohol then pressed it to the wound on her hand. She hissed, crying out slightly at the burn. He wanted to immediately stop, pull the cotton back and apologize for hurting her, but he couldn't. It wasn't clean yet and the last thing he wanted was for her to get an infection. Without thinking, because if he had been thinking he sure as hell wouldn't have done it, he leaned down and blew softly where he had pressed the swab. It was something his mom would do for him whenever Lee's hits drew blood and she had to disinfect the gash. He remembered it always made him feel better and seemed to ease the pain.

After making sure he cleaned the injury thoroughly he dropped the cotton into the near by trash bin and reached into his other pocket for a band-aid. During this time he made sure not to look into her eyes, he couldn't handle seeing the agony in them. It wasn't until the band aid was secure he glanced up. Emily was stock still, her mouth pressed in a firm line, some water leaked from her eyes and her cheeks were a bit flushed. Toby stepped away from her to give her a moment and to throw away the used supplies. With his back turned he looked at his hand and noticed it was shaking. When that started he couldn't be sure, but he knew the reason was right behind him.

"You've done that before, haven't you?"

He raised his eyes toward the heavens and prayed that his voice wouldn't shake. "Done what?"

"Taken care of someone," she was closer now. He could sense her, feel her presence at his back. He didn't answer her. Couldn't answer her. It would open his own wounds, the ones that weren't as easy to heal as the one he just cleaned. Silence settled between them. A second passed and it felt like eternity. Finally she broke the quiet with her soft voice. "You lived up to your promise. It wasn't so bad."

"I'm glad," he pivoted to face her. Emily's stood less than a foot away from him. Some of her ebony hair fell into her face, covering it. He longed to push it back so he could see her. He longed to have the right to touch her cheeks and wipe the remainder of her tears from her skin. Toby curled his hands into fists, his blunt fingernails cutting into his flesh. "I didn't want to cause you anymore pain."

"Who was it," she asked.

He looked away from her, blinking at the burning behind his eyes. "I don't know what you mean." Once he got some of his emotions under control his eyes found hers again. What he saw cut him to the bone. Hurt. His denial, his lie hurt her and that's the one thing he promised himself he would never do. Swallowing his pride he told her the truth, "My mom." Her brown eyes widened, but she stayed silent. Toby fought against his natural desire to keep this to himself and continued. "My mom was...she had a rough time. There was someone in our lives that gave us a lot of experience in dealing with cuts and bruises." His tone got softer and softer as he spoke, "She tried to make the pain go away and I tried," bitter, he sounded bitter, "to do the same. I couldn't though."

Emily closed the distance between them and after a second's thought wrapped her arms around him. His body stiffened at the contact before relaxing quickly and he hugged her back, loosely. She smelled of roses and he inhaled the scent in, trying to commit everything about this moment to memory so when she ultimately walked away he would have something. He would have a small window of time to look back on and smile at. He could say to himself, he was right, she was different and she cared enough to hug him when he broke down one of his walls for her.

"I'm sorry," she whispered into his ear. "I'm sorry that I made you tell me."

"You didn't," he leaned back so that she could see he was telling the truth. "You didn't make me tell you. I didn't say anything the first time you asked because...I just don't...no one really knows about it. I don't talk about my mom...or that time in my life much." Toby brought his hand up to touch her cheek, stopping before he did. She looked over at his hand, licking her lips. He could feel something, something was changing between them. Her brown eyes settled on his blue ones. She could feel the change too, he could see it. Emily subtly tilted her head upward, her breath puffed lightly against his lips. He stared at her mouth, thoughts racing in his mind. He could lean in and taste her. Capture her lips, make one of his dreams come true. His fingers curled around the back of her head, sliding into her silky hair, while the other hand caressed her baby soft cheek. She moved toward his touch, turning her face slightly. He started to lower his head, pausing to whisper her name, "Emily."

She must have realized it was a question as well, because she nodded. Before she closed them, he checked to make sure and smiled when he saw there wasn't an ounce of doubt in her eyes. Toby closed his own eyes, silently thanking every angel, God and spirit listening for this. For her being in his arms. For everything. Their lips brushed, barely touching, sending fire rushing through his veins. He felt light-headed at the sensation and wondered if he could make it through an actual kiss without his body going into overload.

The door slamming into the wall behind them startled them into breaking apart. His arms swung limply at his sides while Emily looked anywhere but at him. His mouth still tingled a bit from where it touched hers. His blood was rushing through him, his body felt like someone lit him on fire.

"Oops," Jenna called from the door. Her cane tapped against the floor as she made her way toward them. He turned sharply, giving her a cold look. It wouldn't stop her, or even let her know he was pissed, her blindness worked in her favor on that, but it made him feel good to glare at her for ruining the small moment Emily and he were sharing. "Is anyone there? Seems awfully quiet in here. Toby," she reached out and grasped onto his arm. "Ah, there you are. Is Emily still here?"

Toby gritted his teeth, knowing that Jenna knew full well Emily was. Jenna's senses were heightened to a scary degree- he sometimes thought she gained a psychic power- after the explosion everyone thought he caused. Well everyone but his father, step-mother and Jenna. The cops didn't even look at anyone else. It made sense in their minds that Toby, the quiet freak of nature, would do something so horrible. He had a suspicion about who actually caused the blaze, but couldn't be completely sure. He also thought that Emily might know something. Not that he thought she did it. Jenna hinted that she knew, she was facing the door when it happened, but she kept her mouth shut. She once told him, she stayed silent to protect him, protect what they were doing that night. Toby wasn't sure he believed that or not, but he took the punishment because he felt guilty. He felt guilty for sleeping with his step-sister, for starting a relationship with her knowing how wrong it was to begin with. A part of him felt like he deserved to go to reform school for that and it helped him break things off with Jenna. Distance helped him finally break away.

Emily cleared her throat, bringing him back to the present. "I'm here."

"Oh, good," Jenna smiled. She pushed away from him and moved toward Emily. "Toby, mom wants to talk to you about something."

"I'm not leaving Emily out here alone," he told her, watching her move closer and closer to Emily. A sinking feeling settled in his stomach once his step-sister came to a stop. She turned her head, her unseeing eyes looking in his direction.

"I'll keep her company," to anyone else, her voice might have sounded sweet and innocent, but he knew her. There was a tint of jealousy and anger there that caused him concern. He wouldn't put it past her to casual mention to Emily how they were once lovers and oh yeah the night of her accident, they were in the middle of doing something decidedly un-sibling related. "Toby, really it will be fine. Go see what mom wants."

He delayed moving a second more, looking at Emily to make sure she was okay with this. She nodded to him and he sighed, turning around and walking back inside the house. He couldn't shake the bad feeling that after today, after leaving Emily and Jenna alone, his small chance with Emily would be completely destroyed.

* * *

Emily looked all around her, trying not to stare at Jenna. It's the first time she has seen the other girl without sunglasses on. It was jarring to actually view the damage she helped cause. The scarring around Jenna's hazy blue eyes was a stark reminder of how one instant could change the entire course of ones life. Her stomach twisted with guilt over everything that happened that night. She never did fully understand why Toby took the fall for them and Alison never explained. Her mouth twisted up in a bittersweet smile. Ali and her secrets. She had so many of them. She loved knowing everything and keeping all the dirt to herself. Sometimes in her darker moments, Emily thought Ali learned so much to keep them in line. One wrong move and the house of cards would fall.

She turned toward the open garage door and looked out at the street. Ali knew a lot about her, but she couldn't think of one secret she knew about Ali. The kiss they shared, that didn't count. It screwed with her mind, it made her hate herself, but it wasn't a secret that Ali was trying to keep. Emily knew that a part of her loved Ali too much, too differently than the others did. She knew Ali relished the attention, pushing Emily further and further until she broke. But she did it with that smile, that small glint in her eyes that made everything alright...

Sighing Emily tucked her hair behind her ear and her thoughts jumped from Ali's kiss to Toby's. Could what they shared be called a kiss? Their lips didn't press together, they didn't drown in the others taste, it was only the lightest of touches. But she could still feel it on her lips. Her stomach fluttered thinking about it now. She felt the heat rise inside of her. This was what she didn't feel with Ben. She didn't feel this light-headed, can't-catch-my-breath feeling with Ben. This was what she almost felt with Ali. A fire spread through-out her body. Running a hand through her hair, she swallowed. Toby could be her undoing.

"He doesn't know," Jenna told her. She turned toward the other girl, again avoiding her face.

"Doesn't know what," she asked although she thought she might know.

"About what you did that night," the smaller girl tapped her cane against the ground coming to stand in front of her again. "But I do. I know what you and your friends did. I know that Alison is the one that caused the fire and I know that you were there. You let Toby take the blame." Emily's stomach sunk. "Is that why you're being nice to him now? Out of guilt." Her mouth curled in a sardonic smile. "He deserves better than someone that would sit back and let him take the fall for something he didn't do."

"You knew what happened and you didn't say anything," Emily really wanted to throw up at this point. "Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Jenna got quiet, her unseeing eyes glaze over with emotion. "I have my reasons. He knows what they are. Toby understands what I did. Do you think he'll understand what you did? Do you think he'll be okay with you letting the town think he wasn't just a freak but a danger to them and their families?" She got silent and Emily wished her body to stop revolting against her. Jenna licked her lips and sighed. "You have no idea what Toby has gone through, what we've both gone through because of Alison." Pause. "And you. Don't act like you like him and then shove him aside when you're done." Jenna started to turn away from her. "We both know that's exactly what you're going to do. Toby deserves better."

"Jenna," Emily looked up and saw him standing in the door way. His jaw was set firmly and the muscles of his neck tightened. Jenna moved toward the door, tapping her walking stick as she went. Toby moved out of her way and she brushed his arm as she passed. He whispered something in her ear and Jenna shrugged, her mouth tightening a fraction. She walked through the door with her spine straight and anger radiating off of her. He dropped his head, then met her eyes with a sad, scared look. "What did she say?" Emily shrugged, uncomfortable with Jenna's words. Toby didn't know. He's been through the ringer. Jenna and he share a secret. Emily could hurt- no destroy him. He approached her slowly. "Listen, Jenna...she's just..."

She shook her head. "You don't have to explain. She didn't say anything other than..." her lips slammed shut before she finished her thought. _She didn't anything other than the truth_. The nervous fear she hasn't felt around him in days gripped her. But this time it wasn't a fear that he would do something to her, it was the fear that he might hate her if he ever found out about that night. It was odd to think that him hating her could make it hard to breathe, but it did. Four days was all it took for him to actually mean something to her- what it was she wasn't sure yet. Four days and the thought that he could- _should_- turn his back on her caused her heart to stop. She licked her lips and turned her head from him, studying the street again.

"Emily," he stood at her side and she closed her eyes. "Whatever it is. You can tell me. I'll understand."

She shook her head. "I don't think you can. I don't think I do." She twisted her head so that she was looking at him over her shoulder. "I think I should go. I need to go see Hanna and then Ben-"

"Yeah," he backed away. "Okay." He looked down at his shoes and then over at the forgotten project. "I'll, um, I'll finish working on this and maybe we can meet up Sunday and test it in the woods." He tried to smile. She saw the effort it took him to muster up the ghost of an expression on his face. "It might be safer outside than in the garage."

"Yeah, maybe..." she hedged, trying to create a smile as well. "I'll email you Saturday if I can." Emily waited another second then walked away. As she walked home, her hand began throbbing in pain. Funny how when she was with Toby, it didn't hurt at all.

* * *

The room was dark. Four walls with snap shots on them. Pictures collected over time. Four girls. Different in most ways. The same in some. Strings hang from one end of the room to the other. Clothes pins dangle from the white cords. Photographs hung from them as well.

One liar after another.

Spencer in her room. Her texting on the bench in the park. Stealing her sister's paper. Claiming something as hers when it belonged to someone else. Tsk-tsk. Her ambition was going to be the death of her. Does Alex really know the girl that says she loves him? _Doubt it._ The picture swayed with a puff of breath from the photographer.

A few clips down was Hanna. Applying lip gloss. Standing by Sean's wrecked car. Talking with Mona. Giving charity time to Lucas. Poor guy has no idea she'll always see him as nothing more than an shoulder to lean on. Oh sweet hefty Hanna. She sure did have sticky fingers for a while. Seemed to have gotten that under control. Good thing. It would have been nasty at home if mommy had to bed any more cops to get her out of trouble.

Aria stared from the photo paper next to Hanna. Now she's been very naughty. Having sex with a teacher. Shameful. What would the world think of Miss Fixer if they knew that she was banging her English professor. _A_ might have to let a few of those pictures leak. It really is something. Daddy has a fling with a student and daddy's little girl messes around with her teacher. Apple and tree.

The pictures slowly developing in the solution were _A'_s personal favorites so far.

Emily really does have her hands full. Three suitors. _A_ laughed. Did Maya stand a chance? Definitely. Emily wasn't exactly on the straight side. Not to mention, _A_ got the feeling old Maya wasn't one to back down once she had her mind set on someone or something. Right now that was Emily.

Using the tongs, _A _pulled the picture of Maya and Emily hugging out of the development solution. Then hung the picture on the cord. _A_ admired the photo. Maya really looked happy in Miss Fields arms. Interesting. Emily's parents would not be pleased. One last look and then _A_ moved on to the others ones.

Next up Ben. Oh Ben. _What an ass you are_, _A_ thought with a grin. _I don't think you'll be in the running much longer. Seems Emily has lost that loving feeling for you. Too bad. You are a cute guy. But you really need to work on that temper. A_ pulled the photo of Ben holding onto Emily in the hardware store out and tore it to pieces. No need to keep that one. The ripped up picture fell into the the trash bin in the corner.

The last one, was the most important of the bunch. Toby and Emily. Emily and Toby. Standing so close. Her hand in his. Him tenderly cleaning her wound. Looking deeply into the others eyes. The hug. The almost kiss. _A_ could almost hear all the sappy love songs now. Good thing Jenna stopped that one from happening. If only Jenna could have seen what she interrupted. The girl would have freaked. She had such a jealous streak... A slow grin formed as the picture got crisper. What would Ben think about his girlfriend getting cozy with the town freak? It would be fun to find out...

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**h: **Thanks so much. I'm thrilled you like it. =)

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Reviews are better than Christmas and Birthday presents. Please let me know what you think. *begs and bats eyes*


	7. Under The Starry Night

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**Chapter 7: Under The Starry Night**

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* * *

After leaving Toby's house, Emily spent an hour in her room, curled up on her bed with her hands clasped under the pillow and tears on her cheeks. Everything she'd spent the year before trying to forget or ignore crashed into her in a tidal wave. She felt lonely and tired. Like the demons of the past had clawed the last of her strength from her soul. The thoughts she couldn't hold at bay were accompanied by the regret and guilt she had deluded herself into believing wasn't there anymore. It's amazing what the mind could trick a person into thinking. The delusion was shattered now though. She couldn't deny her part in it all anymore. She couldn't let herself whitewash that night into a horrible nightmare with no basis in reality. It was a reality. Toby, Jenna, the explosion, Alison...it was all real. It was all so real.

She sat in the dark, closing her curtains to block out the street lamps, turning all the lights off in her room and tried to imagine what it would feel like to be in this environment forever. It made her panic. Her heart pounded in her chest. Thumping hard against her ribcage. Her breathing came in short bursts and her hands shook. Emily felt like the devil himself was sitting in the room, watching her and there was nothing she could do to hold him off. Pulling the chain on her lamp, she tried to even out her breathing. _Inhale, exhale, steady, again and again. Block it all out. Focus on what is good. Lock the rest away. Pretend. Mask it all. Steady. In and out. Don't lose yourself. Don't give into the fear. Be strong. Be brave. Keep it together. Forget what happened. Forget the pain. Forget the hurt you helped cause. Forget. Forget. Forget. Pretend_... She opened her eyes wide and stared at the wall.

The dark spaces in her room the small light didn't touch were shadowed even darker now. Pitch black. And quiet. Emily ran a hand through her hair, sitting up and grabbing for her phone on the nightstand. She slid it open and scanned through her contacts. She needed to get out of here. She needed to be surrounded by lights and noise, people and maybe drink a little. It was Friday and there was a party waiting for her. No one would accuse her of ruining their life or their step-brother's life there. It would be a place safe from all the thoughts and memories. Where music drowned out the words ringing in her head. Booze numbed the regret. And people filled the empty places. She pulled up Hanna's number and pressed the send button to call her. One ring. Two rings.

"_Hey, Em_," Hanna yelled over the music that was blasting in the background. She held the phone a little away from her ear. It was so loud, Emily couldn't make out any of the lyrics or even decipher a beat. "_What's going on? Are you coming tonight? Ben's been...moody since you haven't called him._"

She picked at the blue and cream colored material of her comforter and sighed. "I've had a lot on my mind. Thinking about things and I guess I lost track of time."

The music got softer and she could hear the voices get further away. "_Em, you sound really upset_... _Did Toby do something to you? Ben's been talking about him touching you at the store and how uncomfortable you were. You can tell me if he made a move on you, you didn't want,_" Emily opened her mouth but Hanna didn't give her a chance to speak before continuing. "_Because I will hunt him down if he did. The pervert has already peeked in our windows, if he did anything to you.._."

"Hanna!" Emily exclaimed to stop her. Her friend couldn't be anymore wrong about why she was upset or about Toby, but it felt good to know that Hanna had her back. "Toby didn't do anything to me. He's...he's been really..." she stopped unsure of what she was going to say. Was she really going to tell Hanna that Toby's been a great guy to her? That he was tender and made her heart beat a little faster? Was she going to admit that the thought of kissing him hasn't just entered her mind, but nearly happened? That he couldn't have been the guy Ali said he was because he was... he just wasn't. Where exactly was she going with '_he's been really_?' Biting at her bottom lip, she closed her eyes and tried to focus. "I'm not upset about Toby." Half truth. Almost honest. Ali would be proud.

Hanna didn't respond right away. Emily hated the break in conversation because it let the emotions she didn't want to deal with crawl back in. Pulling at the band aid on her palm, picking at the edge with her fingernail then pressing it back to cover her wound, she prayed Hanna would say something- anything. "_Okay_," her friend finally said. "_Did you want me to come over? We could hang out and watch Mean Girls or something..._"

Emily smiled, "That was Ali's favorite movie."

"_Uh-huh_," Hanna's smile could be heard through the phone line. "_I think she wanted to be head of the plastics. What did she used to call herself?_"

"HBIC," She recalled immediately. The two girls shared a moment remembering their murdered friend. For all her flaws, Ali could be great when it counted. Sighing, Emily pushed some hair behind her ear, "Actually I was kind of hoping you might come and get me. I don't really want to show up at the party by myself and I don't want to listen to Ben..."

"_Be Ben_," Hanna said with a roll of her eyes. Even through the phone, Emily knew she was rolling her eyes. "_What is his problem lately? With his attitude you would think he was jealous of Toby or something stupid like that._" The comment was said flippantly but Emily froze anyway. "_I mean how idiotic. Like you would ever be interested in him._" As Hanna talked, she looked up and tried to see through her curtains to Toby's house. Standing up, she moved them out of the way and searched for some sign he was still there. Maybe he was searching for her too. Maybe he was thinking about her... "_Emily are you there_?"

"Uh, yeah," she pulled herself away from the window and sat back on her bed. "Yeah, I'm here. So will you come get me?"

"_No problem,_" her friend replied. "_Let me find Spencer and get her car keys and then I'll come get you._"

"Thanks," Emily rolled her lips together then apart with a small pop. "I'll see you soon."

Hanging up the phone, she tossed it on the bed and walked to her closet, turning on her fan light as she did. Pulling open the door, she tried to find something to wear. Change the clothes, change the mood... at least that's what she was going for anyway. She reached in, taking a black jean skirt out, holding it against her body. With a shrug, she threw it toward the bed and searched the closet for a shirt to match. Her fingertips paused on a black and white halter top. Deciding it would work for a quick outfit, she moved from her wall of clothes and quickly changed.

In the corner by her door was a full length mirror and she twisted in front of it. Her reflection looked fine. It looked like her. But she didn't feel like her. She felt like a fake. Stepping closer to the mirror, Emily stared into her own eyes. That's where the difference was. They weren't as naïve as before. There was the truth and fear closing in around the edges. Her house of cards was shaking, quaking under the lies. Under the the truth. Under her own desires to be...someone else. Someone who could stand in the sun and not shy away from the rays. Suddenly the girl that could blend in wasn't there. This shell was all that's left. When was the last time she was truly happy? When was the last time her smile didn't hold anything back? When was the last time she could relax at night? The answer to those questions, she didn't know. She couldn't remember. She has gotten so used to standing half inside her own mind. The walls around her are so thick now, she wasn't sure anyone could climb them and get to her.

And she did want someone to climb them, she realized. She wanted someone to find the person she used to be before the explosion, before the murder, before it all. Emily just didn't know what kind of person they would find if anyone did take the time to search for her. Would they like what they saw? Would her past mistakes color her in such a way no one could see her as anything but tainted? Would _A_ scare them away? Would she have anything real left inside of her?

Closing her eyes, she rubbed them with the heels of her palms until stars formed. These thoughts were why she needed to get away from here. Once she was at the party, surrounded by her friends, her boyfriend, she would be better. She would let these stupid and miserable thoughts go. Emily slipped on a pair of tennis shoes and picked up her brush. She ran it through her hair, moving unconsciously toward the window again. Her eyes immediately fell on the house across the street and a couple down. The light in the garage was on, a shadowy-figure moved. Male. She just knew it was him. What was he doing? Was he picking up the pieces of their project, of them?

"_Whatever it is. You can tell me. I'll understand._"

Maybe he would. Maybe he would be the only one. Maybe Toby could see her. Find her. Like the person that was buried inside. But could she let him? To do that she would have to admit that she wasn't who everyone thought she was. She would have to be strong enough to stand on her own, she would have to be unafraid of what the world would think of her...and she didn't think she could do that. It was easier to continue the way she has been for so long now. And damn it, was it so wrong to want something in her life to be easy? Who cared if she had to lie to keep it that way? Who cared if Jenna's words would prove true, she would leave Toby in the dust after their project was over? She swallowed that painful thought down. Emily felt the tears build in the back of her throat. She did. She _cared_.

She cared that he thought she was different. She cared that she _felt_ different with him. She cared that he looked at her, not through her or around her. And all of that meant nothing because she also cared about what others saw when they looked at her. She groaned.

The circle of musings was giving her a headache.

A red car pulled onto the street and Emily felt some tension leave her. Her escape was here. She ran down the stairs, calling to her mother as she went, "Mom, I'm going out with Hanna. I'll be back later."

"Alright honey," Pam responded from the study. "Have a good time. Call me if you need me to come get you or if you decide to stay over somewhere."

"I will," she closed the front door and jogged toward the car parked in her driveway. Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Toby's garage door slide up. She paused for just a second to see if she could catch a glimpse of him. Her heart stopped as he rolled his motorcycle out. She swallowed, climbing into the car. Hanna looked over at her while applying another coat of gloss to her lips. "Thanks for picking me up."

"No problem," Hanna placed her arm along the back of Emily's seat and backed up. "I was actually happy for the break. Sean has been less than kind tonight." She shook her head, shifting the car into drive. "He can be so hot and cold with me. Why do men have to be so freaking confusing?"

At that moment, Toby's motorcycle zoomed pass their car and Emily watched his rear light until it disappeared from her view. Sighing she shook her own head, "I don't know. I wish I did."

* * *

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His bike was freedom. There was a feeling of being alone and in charge of his life he couldn't describe to people who've never been on a motorcycle before. It was the wheels against the road. Air rushing against his body. The rumbling of the engine under him. He leaned into the wind, letting it beat at him. When he took the bike out of the garage and drove, all he wanted to do was go. Go away. Go somewhere else. Find peace. Find a place where he could think and where no one would find him. The town of Rosewood had very few places like that, so he didn't stay within the limits. He pushed them. Toeing the line between here and there and then blurring it. The lights got dimmer the further he went. The cars passed him less frequently. The yellow lines on the road became chipped and worn. Out here no one cared if the road crews fixed them. There were deep dips in the asphalt where water would gather during rain storms. The tree line became thicker. Suburban became rural. Populated became uninhabited.

In the distance were a set of railroad tracks. Abandon like the rest of this area. The grass had overgrown most of it, weeds and wildflowers, bushes and leaves. Toby eased his bike into a break in the brush. It was hard to see in the daylight and nearly impossible in the evening, unless one knew where to look. He gunned the engine kicking up dirt and debris as he went. The low hanging branches wiped against his helmet, beating his leather clad arms. He ducked down further, searching for the place he knew so well. In the middle of a small clearing was a cabin, long ago left to rot. He eased up on the gas the closer he got, finally bringing the bike to a stop next to the shack. He unhooked his saddle bag and climbed the steps up to the door.

Toby looked back at the way he came and thought about the day he found this place. It was the anniversary of his mother's death. The first anniversary. He was only fourteen at the time and he just didn't want to be anymore. He hopped on his bike, pedaling as fast as he could, trying to escape the noise in his head and the quiet of his dad. Until that day, he didn't really believe. He didn't really let himself think the words: My mom is dead. Not even when he stood at her grave site and they lowered her body into the ground. Toby couldn't remember most of that day and what he could was blurry and faded, like a picture bleached by the sun. What he could recall was the numbness he felt. It was like his body forgot to live.

He spent hours sitting in his room, listening to music, reading books, staying away from people. At school, he tried to blend in, to become one of the many, but because he didn't want to be around the other kids in class he became one of the few. It was the start of him being considered a freak. It was two months before he spoke to anyone other than the couple of people that approached him, but it was too late by that time, the damage had been done. The next four months he raged silently against everything and everyone.

His jaw was always set in a firm line. Teeth clamped together. Hands in fists. He punched the wall in his room until his knuckles were bloody and scraped up. He plotted how to kill Lee for daring to lay a hand on his mother. He yelled at his father, wanting nothing to do with him. If his dad had just left him with his mom, maybe she would still be there. Maybe he would have been able to stop Lee from coming back. Toby dreamed of hurting anyone and everyone. The anger bleed his energy dry but he held on to it for as long as he could, because it lit a fire in him. The fire didn't last and when it finally disappeared, all he had was the pain.

Begging came next. Begging God for a chance to do things over. Praying for something to change. Bargaining for just one day. That didn't last long either. Change was impossible. The final months of that year, he spent in a deep depression. He built walls around himself so thick that even the strongest person couldn't shake them. Nothing made him smile. Nothing made him laugh. Nothing touched him. He just turned himself invisible to everyone. The blinds in his room always stayed shut, letting in as little light as possible. The only time he was in the sun was when he had to be. He preferred the dark. As depressed as he was, though, he never cried. He never said his mother's name in conjunction with the word dead. Never...

Until the anniversary came. That day everything snapped back into focus. He couldn't look around him without noticing she wasn't there. His dad became silent, moving through the motions of living. And that's when Toby felt the first touches of acceptance. He knew he had to let go and he didn't want to. He didn't want to cry in the house with his dad. He didn't want to be there anymore. He hated it. He hated Rosewood. He wanted to get away and so he hopped on his bicycle and took off as fast as he could. He pedaled so hard and fast his legs felt like rubber, his lungs burned from the effort and from the tears crawling to get out. He didn't care where he ended up at that point.

It was truly a stroke of luck finding the path to the cabin. He could still see how it used to look in his mind's eye. The wood that was once a deep rich brown had faded with age, turning a sickly shade of gray. The panels on the side were warped, some coming off, leaving holes for animals to climb in. The steps were breaking and fragile. The windows were cracked, broken, jagged edges everywhere. There was one that didn't have a window at all. The roof, a rusted tin, was covered in leaves and dead branches. The door was falling out of the frame. The only part of the home that was intact was the brick and stone fireplace. With all the wrong, at fourteen- with the world pushing down on his shoulders, it looked like an oasis. And from that day forward it was.

No one knew about it. No one had ever been there. Not even Jenna during their relationship, when finding a place to hide was extremely important. He just couldn't bring her here. He didn't want to give up all his secrets or the one place it was okay to have them. Through the years, over the summers, he'd put work into making it a safer place. He boarded up the holes, got rid of the vermin and snakes. He fixed the steps. Covered the broken windows and even got a door with a lock. Toby used his dad's beat-up Ford truck to move the lumber and supplies, all the while his dad thought he was helping a friend. He even found a mattress on the side of the road to put on the floor- he has since made a platform for it. Everything he needed then and now. A roof. Four walls. A place to cry. A place without eyes or ears. A space to be himself. A space to be someone else.

He sighed and pulled the key from his back pocket. Unlocking the door, he tossed his saddle bag onto the bed and shut the door firmly behind him. He grabbed a book of matches from the bag and lit some candles he had placed around the room. The flickering light danced across the ceiling and walls. He flopped onto the make-shift bed, crossing his arms behind his head, watching the light show.

His mind wandered to that afternoon. To the moment that almost was. To her in his arms. What he wouldn't give to have her in them again. He wanted her to know him. Even the parts that he wasn't proud of and didn't like. He wanted to touch her soft skin and listen to her laugh as he brushed a ticklish spot. Toby wanted a lot of things and in this shack he let himself imagine them. He let himself give into the fantasy. He sat up on the bed and reached into his bag again, this time pulling out a pencil and his sketch book. Leaning his back against the wall, he opened the book to an empty page and started drawing. Her face, her eyes, her lips curled into a small smile, her hair falling behind her in waves of black silk. She came to life on the page. She entered his heart. She claimed her spot. He sighed, dropping the picture on the mattress. '_Yeah_,' he thought. '_Keep dreaming, Toby_.'

* * *

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Emily stood back and watched it all unfold with a red plastic cup in her hand. The beer had long ago turned lukewarm and she really had no desire to drink the rest, but with it in her hand, no one gave her another. The party was in full swing. Kids were in varying stages of '_they're going to regret that in the morning_'...if they remembered that is. Some couples sat on the couches making out. Hands under shirts, caressing bodies. She shifted her gaze away, uncomfortable with the display. Did they have any decency? _No, Emily, they were just enjoying themselves, maybe you should take notes_... Looking down, she grimaced. She came here to let loose and pretend. Why wasn't she doing that? She brought the cup to her lips and choked the rest of the liquor down quickly. Her mouth twisted at the taste and she tossed used cup in the trash, getting another one from the guy at the tap.

She searched the crowd for Ben. He stood laughing with his friends. The floor was littered with empty cans and cups. Emily started walking toward him when she saw him start swaying and stopped. He looked over at her and she could see his eyes were slightly glazed. He waved her over, pushing from the wall he had started leaning against. Her stomach lurched but she forced herself to move. She took her place at his side and he wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in closer. His breath reeked of the beer he drank and the cigarettes he took from Jake, who smoked behind his parents back. Her nose wrinkled up. The combination didn't make her knees weak, it made her want to vomit. She swallowed it down roughly and plastered a smile on her face. The conversation between the jocks and their dates/one-night-stands went on all around her. She laughed when it seemed appropriate. Aww'ed and swooned, smiled up at Ben, leaned in and let him kiss her lips, while keeping hers tightly closed. She played the part she came to play.

Songs changed on the stereo. The teens got louder and drunker and Emily grew tired of it. She peeled her body from Ben's and walked toward the door. She pushed past the people that got in her way, needing air, needing the space she thought she didn't want earlier. As soon as she got out of the house and the night air hit her, she closed her eyes and relished the freedom. Emily jogged down the steps and headed away from the party.

The lake Jake's uncle lived on was beautiful with the moon dancing on the ripples. Pulling her shoes off, she strolled slowly along the edge. Her toes pressed into the moist earth. She sighed as she dug her feet into the soil. Swinging her shoes back and forth she climbed onto the dock that rose over the lake and sat at the far edge. Her legs hung over, the tips of her toes brushing the surface of the water and she tipped her head back. The silver moon and twinkling stars caught her attention. Emily connected the constellations in her head, finding Ursa Major and Ursa Minor. A smile, the first genuine one she's had since leaving Toby's, pulled her lips up, as she thought about how big the universe was and how her problems felt so small at that moment.

She closed her eyes, letting the peace wash over her. Her eyes snapped open when she sensed someone sit next to her, causing her to tense slightly. She turned her head to the person and relaxed. "Maya," she smiled, sitting up straighter. "I didn't know you were here."

"You seemed really busy earlier," her deep brown eyes bore into hers. "Is that your boyfriend?"

Nodding, Emily faced the lake again. "Yeah," she kicked her leg, sending water spraying up.

"You don't sound too happy about that," Maya scooted closer to the edge and hung her legs over the side as well. She was shorter than Emily so her feet stayed above the water line. "Is there a problem with your relationship?"

"I don't know," she shrugged, once again feeling tired. "I guess we are just too different. He wants something more than I'm ready to give." She sighed, listening to the yelling and music in the background for a moment. "Ben," she paused, unsure of what to say or why she was saying anything at all. Deciding to just stay quiet, she shrugged again.

"Is it because of that other guy," the shorter girl asked. "What was his name again, Tory?"

"Toby," Emily corrected immediately. She touched her palm where the bandage was starting to come off from her picking at it and the sweat. "He doesn't have anything to do with Ben or my relationship with Ben."

"You seemed pretty cozy with him," Emily turned to face Maya, whose left eyebrow was slightly arched. "I thought maybe you were interested in him."

"Why would you think that," she prayed her voice didn't give any of her panic away. "I just didn't want to leave him with all the building duties for our project." She licked her lips and kicked at the water again. "I don't feel anything like that for Toby," the lie tasted bitter in her mouth, but sounded believable to her ears. "He's just a guy that I got stuck with in Physics class."

"Hmm," her neighbor hummed. Her fingers brushed against Emily's, coming to rest on top of her hand. She looked down at the contact, her eyebrows coming together. Maya didn't say anything about their hands touching and Emily decided to follow suit. Maya's skin felt soft. Really soft compared to Toby's. Her fingers were smaller than Emily's own. The tension in her shoulders tightened and she rolled them to try and relieve it. Maya looked over, standing up and sat behind her. Her breath sailed across the back of Emily's neck as she shifted closer. "Shoulders hurt?"

"Just a little bit of tension," Emily responded, looking around her to make sure no one was watching them.

"Maybe I can help," Maya placed her hands on her shoulders, her thumbs against the base of her neck and began rubbing in hard circles. "My aunt is a massage therapist in New York. She used to teach me some of the basics. Can you lean your head forward a little?" Emily complied. "Wow, this is more than a little tension. You're knots have knots growing on them. Do you ever relax?"

A small laugh escaped her lips, "I think I've forgotten how." A moan followed her words, but she was enjoying the massage too much to be embarrassed by the sound. "Okay, that feels really good."

"I'm glad you like it," she jumped in surprise when Maya brushed her lips against her ear. Emily leaped up and crossed her arms over her stomach. Maya got up slower. "Did I do something wrong?"

"Look, Maya, I-"

"Emily!" Aria called to her from the end of the dock. "Spencer's ready to go and wanted to know if you needed a ride. Ben's passed out in one of the bedrooms, so, I don't think he's feelings will be an issue." Her friend turned to her neighbor and smiled. "You're Maya right? I'm Aria."

"Nice to meet you, Aria," Maya smiled at her. "If you don't want to go out of your way, I can drive Emily home. I haven't drank too much and we are neighbors, so I'll be going that way anyway."

Aria turned to face her and Emily nodded, "I'll talk to you guys later." Her friend nodded and left the two girls standing on the dock alone. Maya watched her and she stared back. Licking her lips, Emily sighed and answered the question she asked before Aria showed up. "Maya you didn't do anything wrong, it's just," she looked away, up at the sky, back at the lake and finally at the other girl again, "it's just I'm still with Ben and I have no idea..."

"Emily," Maya grinned at her. "It was just a massage. You don't need to get so bent out of shape about it." Her dark eyes shined at her. "Now how about we leave this party. It's getting really lame."

Emily nodded, grabbing her shoes in one hand and tucking her hair behind her ear with the other then she headed down the dock with the other girl. Walking toward Maya's car, Emily looked back up at the stars and saw one shoot across the sky. Closing her eyes, she made a silent wish, '_Let me find someone who will help me find my happiness again._'

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Toby sat on the steps of the cabin and looked up at the stars. A streak of light raced across the sky and he closed his eyes, making a wish like he did when he was a kid, '_Let me find someone who will help me find myself again._'

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**mel: **I agree the chemistry between Toby and Emily is fantastic on the show. Love them so much. Thank you for the review. It means so much to me.

**woow: **LOL. Yeah they had a moment. I'm glad you liked the last chapter. Thank you for reviewing. =)


	8. The Other Shoe

A/N: Thank you all for the reviews on the last chapter. I can't tell you how much they all meant to me. I think I need to clear something up though, this story isn't about Maya and Emily. Any shades of that relationship in this story is to further the relationship between Toby and Emily. I'm sorry for anyone that might have gotten the wrong impression. I do hope you enjoy the story though. Thanks again for the reviews!

I'm so sorry for the lack of updates lately. This chapter was a bear to write and took me forever to get it going. I really hope it doesn't suck. LOL

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**Title: **_**The Cost of Being Different**_

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**Chapter 8: The Other Shoe**

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"Do you ever feel like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop," Hanna asked as she walked through the woods with Lucas trailing behind her. Sweat slid down the back of her neck and she wiped at it with a disgusted grimace. The last remaining days of summer were turning out to be hotter than most of the months that preceded them. She thought longingly for a moment about the community pool. Cool waters, hot boys, sunscreen and very few clothes to stick to her body. She sighed, slapping a mosquito from her arm. That sounded like heaven. Instead she was swatting at tree limbs and climbing over fallen branches because Lucas asked her if she would help him with his photography project. "The things I do for friends," she grumbled to herself. She heard Lucas stumble behind her and turned to watch him rub the dirt from his hands. He blushed slightly when he noticed her looking. "Are you okay?"

He nodded. The embarrassment still clearly shown on his face. His gaze dropped to the ground and he carefully shifted his camera equipment closer to his body as he maneuvered over the rocks that he nearly fell over. "There is a reason I went into photography and not sports," he said in his self-deprecating way. His shoulders lifted in a shrug and he met her stare. "I have the coordination of a newborn foal." She smiled at the mental picture she got of a horse with his head on it. Hanna smothered the giggle that tickled the back of her throat. Lucas sighed, "Back to your original question though, why do you ask?"

She shrugged, picking a leaf from a low hanging branch and shredding it into jade ribbons, letting the pieces fall to the lush green grass beneath her feet. "I've just been fighting some stuff lately and just when I think it's finally okay something else comes along. I just really feel like I'm waiting constantly for that something."

"That's kinda deep," his voice turned concern and she rolled her lips together. She shouldn't have said anything. Lucas was just so damn easy to talk to. "Do you want to explain?"

"Not really," she replied airily. The thought of "A" and all the pressure of not being good enough was the last thing she wanted to talk about, with anyone, but especially with Lucas. She felt free while with him. He didn't make her feel less than and Hanna liked that. It was so rare she felt good about herself with the men in her life. Sean didn't make her feel as wanted as he made Ali feel. Her dad wanted to be around his new family more than his old one. But with Lucas...with Lucas she was just right. He slapped his hand against his face and then his arm, mumbling about the bugs. She laughed, wiping the sweat from her forehead. She turned on her spot, looking at all the trees and the way the sunlight filtered through them. It was beautiful and serene. "I think this is a good spot. What do you think? Is this what you wanted for your nature photos?"

He turned in the same fashion she had a moment ago, his dark eyes looking at things in a much different way. He could see beauty where she couldn't, through his lens or not. The artistic part of him always seemed to shine and pull her with him. Hanna knew if she found this place gorgeous, he would find it even more so. He would find something she overlooked. He would capture it and show her later. Lucas was always showing her that true beauty had nothing to do with make-up and designer clothes. He smiled when he faced her again. "Good eye."

He dropped his camera bag gently to the ground, kneeling beside it and opening the zipper. Hanna tried to figure out why two words- "_Good eye_"- was making her grin like a fool. It really shouldn't have. Those words meant nothing...or maybe, she mused, they meant everything. Sighing, Hanna took a seat on a large tree that had fallen over. The hard tree bark bit into her legs, scratching them every time she moved, but she made a conscious effort not to dwell on that. Lucas brought the large camera to his eye, twisting the focus lens a couple of times. His face squinted a bit and he pressed the button to capture whatever he saw behind the glass. She tilted her head back, letting the sun's rays warm her skin.

Hanna loved the sun. Loved summer. She loved the clothes, the heat, the freedom. Fall and Spring were nice. Fall colors always looked good on her. Spring let her pull out those flirty skirts, but was still too cool for the thin tank tops she liked to wear. Winter was dark. Snow hid the world and made it miserable to leave the house. The only thing good about winter was the two weeks out of school and the presents on Christmas day. She loved presents on Christmas day. It wasn't the stuff, although that was nice, it was the experience. The anticipation. The bright paper and twinkling lights and the smell of fresh pine. She sighed, lowering her head and looking back at Lucas. He was moving to her left, snapping pictures as he went. She observed him with a small smile. He looked so comfortable, so confident with a camera in his hand. So much different than he looked at school which was... Awkward, she decided. He moved awkwardly. It was like he was always waiting for someone to push him down or make him pay for not being popular.

She thought back on her question from earlier, _do you ever feel like you're waiting for the other shoe to drop_, now she realized how stupid that question was to ask him. Of course, he knew. He dealt with it everyday. Hanna felt a wave of sadness rise up inside of her. How many times did she turn a blind eye to his torment? How many times did she pretend her friends weren't hurting him? How many times did Ali call him a name and she just smiled? Too many that's how many. She'd never felt more ashamed than she did right then. In her quest to be popular, to be one of the few, she stepped on a lot of people. She's still doing it.

A tree branch snapped to her right and her heart started pounding. Lucas was still taking pictures on the other side of her, so whatever just broke that tree limb couldn't have been him. It sounded large though. Not a bunny or squirrel or some other cute little animal... Suddenly she wished Spencer was here. Spence would have been able to give her a list of all animals native to this region and how dangerous they were...on second thought maybe she was glad Spencer was there to do that... She hopped down from the log, keeping her eyes focused on the direction the sound came from. Could it be "A"? Could she-he-it have followed her? Maybe it was a bear or whatever other creature had fangs and could rip apart teens. Hanna slapped another mosquito from her arm and backed up slowly. Another set of branches broke, closer this time and she really started to panic.

"Lucas," she hissed as softly as possible. No response came from her friend. Her blue eyes widened as she heard the animal- killer- thing come closer. '_Please be a really big, cute bunny_,' she chanted in her head. "Lucas," she tried to get his attention again. Still nothing. '_Now is not the time to zone out_,' Hanna thought.

Her breathing came to a stop in her chest when she saw what was making so much noise. Toby Cavanaugh walked through the woods carrying a bag under one arm. She watched with large eyes as he continued on his way, completely oblivious to the girl that he gave a heart attack to and the boy snapping pictures behind her. Hanna was caught between wanting to know what Toby was doing this far out in the woods by himself and wanting to stay as far away from him as possible. She rolled her eyes as her curiosity won out. Moving as silently as she could, she hid behind trees and branches following Toby. He moved carelessly. She noticed he didn't seem to be aware of anyone. They came up on a river about fifty yards from where Hanna had first seen him and he sat down on the bank. She looked back over her shoulder and shuddered. All she saw was thick trees with no recognizable way to get back to Lucas. She wondered if he could hear her if screaming became necessary...

Toby cupped his hands and dunked them into the water, splashing it on his face. He pulled off his shirt, tossing it to the mound of rocks next to him. She was momentarily stunned at his upper body. His back was well defined. Muscles rippled as he moved, beads of water slid down toward his jean waist band. The sun kissed his skin a light shade of tan. She rolled her tongue over her bottom lip. He stood up, staring at something in the distance. He reached into his back pocket and pulled out a piece of paper. Hanna eased as close as she dared, trying to see all she could. She heard Lucas call for her from behind her hiding spot and she twisted to go back before Toby caught her spying. Her foot caught on an exposed root and she threw her hands out to break her fall. She closed her eyes tightly as her body slammed into the earth, buckling her wrists under the weight. Pain pulsed through her arms and she rolled over, biting her lip to stifle the scream.

A shadow fell over her and she prayed silently for help. Her mind raced as Toby leaned down. His face tight in consideration of why she was there. Panic and fear warred inside of her. She couldn't help but think of those wounded, weak animals on Animal Planet. Those were the ones that were killed first. They were the snack before the feast. Oh God she really didn't want to be the snack...or the feast. Hanna tried to push herself up, being in a prone position didn't feel like the safest with a weirdo, possible peeking tom standing over her. Her wrists gave way behind her and she fell back to the ground. Toby held out his hand and she eyed it with suspicion.

"Need help," he asked in that quiet way of his. A chill ran through her body.

"No," she replied with little confidence behind the word. Her arms were killing her and fear was snapping wildly at her stomach. "I'm fine. If you would give me space I'd be on my feet by now."

"Really," he stepped back, giving her room. She pushed her hands into the dirt, grimacing at the slight pain, and pushed herself as far as she could go before it became too much. Lucas called her again and she prayed for him to find her before she had to admit she needed help from Toby. "Need my help now," his voice sounded bored. Her eyes narrowed into slits. She begrudgingly put her hand in his. She could always disinfect later. He easily lifted her to her feet and she pulled away immediately. He backed up and crossed his arms over his naked chest. "Were you following me?"

"No," Hanna responded quickly. Maybe a tad too quick but she decided not to draw attention to that and rushed on. "I heard some noises and went to find out what it was." She heard Lucas coming closer and gained some courage from the fact that soon she wouldn't be alone with Toby. "Why are you creeping through the woods? Bury a body?"

He didn't respond, not that she expected him to, he wasn't exactly the talkative type. He turned his back on her and started to walk away. The page he had been looking at before she fell on her ass- well technically her front- fell out of his pocket and to the ground at her feet, just as Lucas reached the clearing. She watched Toby gather his stuff and head back the way he came, never realizing he dropped the paper. She waited until he was out of sight then bent down to pick it up. Unfolding it, she stared at the page, inhaling sharply. She folded back it up quickly once Lucas appear, sliding it in her back pocket.

"There you are," Lucas breathlessly said coming to stand at her side. "I'm been looking every where." He paused. "Are you okay?"

Hanna nodded, still a little dazed. Twisting her wrists to work some of the stinging pain out and to make sure nothing was broken. "Yeah, I'm fine." Shaking the weird feeling from her head, she smiled at him. "Did you get all the shots you needed?"

"Yeah," he nodded his head the way they came, "ready to get out of here?"

"You have no idea how ready," she mumbled. He walked a little a head of her and she pulled the paper from her pocket, looking at it again. Emily stared back at her. A beautiful sketch of her best friend, done lovingly by someone she didn't trust at all. She felt like cold water had been thrown on her. Toby drawing pictures of Emily...that can't be good, right?

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Emily pulled the car into her driveway and slid the gear into park. She turned to look at Maya sitting next to her, smiling at the other girl. "I had fun. That shop was incredible. I can't believe I've lived so close to it and never went in."

Maya place her elbow on the open car window and tilted her head to rest on her upturned palm. "I thought you would like it. That skirt you bought will look great with a deep red shirt I have." Her eyebrow arched and she licked her lips. "You could borrow it if you want."

Emily laughed, raking some hair behind her ear. "I don't think we're the same size." She shook her head. "But thanks." Maya nodded. She shifted to open her door. The evening heat hit her like a slap in the face, causing her to long for the air-conditioned air of her home. She couldn't wait for the cooler weather to return. Moving to the backseat she pulled out the bags that were hers and handed Maya, who had come to stand at her side, the ones that held her clothes. Her neighbor took the bags from her with a bright smile. Emily moved back to shut the door, looking up and down the street.

"Looking for something," the other girl asked using her left hand to shield the sun from her face. Emily looked into her eyes, confused and a little wary. "Or maybe someone?"

Emily shifted, uncomfortable with Maya's knowing look and her question. "No," she shook her head, careful to keep her eyes averted. "Who would I be looking for?"

Maya didn't answer. She didn't need to. Both of them knew who Emily was looking for. She could play it off all she wanted. It didn't change the fact that after spending hours away from him, she couldn't help wanting to see Toby. It was insane. Or maybe she was insane. Maybe there was something really wrong with her. Maybe she needed help. She didn't know. She couldn't figure it out. How could he become so important in such a small time? How could an almost kiss make her yearn for more?

Last night after getting home from the party, she dreamed of him. Of his blue eyes, God those eyes. Icy but warm at the same time. Up close there were flecks of green in them. Making them seem endless, like the ocean. She dreamed of his lips. Perfect, and full. She imagined them to be soft. That a touch of his mouth against hers could make her weak, make her needy. She's never been needy before. Emily has wanted. She wanted Ali. But she's never needed. She dreamed of his arms. The strength of them. The way they felt to have them wrapped around her. His hands on her face. In her hair. On her body.

She woke up sweating and achy. It took an hour to finally calm her heart to go back to sleep. The dream lingered though. Lingered in the back of her mind. Would what she imagined be how it really was with him? The tickling desire to find out was growing every day. Really every moment it seemed like. Even today with Maya, she found her mind wandering. Thinking of him. Of a world where being with him wouldn't shake the very foundation she stood on. Emily closed her eyes and mentally shook the thoughts from her brain. It didn't matter. The world they lived in had rules and one of those rules was Emily Fields and Toby Cavanaugh were not supposed to be anything other than kids that went to the same school.

"You know," Maya said, leaning against Emily's car. "If you want to talk or," she paused, staring at her in a heated manner. "Not talk. I'm pretty good at both. Plus," she tilted her head, her dark hair, done in waves, much like Emily's own, fell across her shoulder, "I give great massages, as you know."

"Thanks," Emily nodded, "I might take you up on that." She hugged Maya quickly, "I really had a wonderful time today. I needed to get away from here. Sometimes this place makes it impossible to let loose and have fun."

"Why?"

"The people here don't like change," she shrugged. "And they definitely don't like different." The sentence came out of nowhere and for a moment Emily panicked wondering what possessed her to confess that.

Her friend smiled again, "It's not a bad thing to be a little different, Emily." She ran her hand up and down Emily's arm. "It's okay to blur the line a little. It's your life and eventually you're going to have to live it the way you want to. High school, this town, it can and is temporary." Maya kissed her lips, immediately backing away, leaving Emily stunned. "Do what feels good, Em. No matter what."

She bit the inside of her cheek, watching Maya disappear into her house. She touched her lips for a second. The kiss was brief, but nice. Maya had soft lips. And she couldn't deny that there was a tiny part of her intrigued by the other girl. Maya didn't seem to care about what others thought. She was strong enough to be herself. And Emily would probably want her, if she didn't already want someone else. There she finally admitted it. To herself, she admitted that she wanted to know what it was like to be with him, even for a moment. In the real world. Emily looked toward the road when she heard the rumbling engine of Toby's motorcycle start up the street. She swallowed as he pulled into his driveway and took off his helmet. The dying sunlight caught him and made her mouth start watering. Emily turned away to look at her car, the bags in her hands, at the ground, and then back at him. Her hands closed into fists and she straightened her spine. Maya's words came back to her, her own dreams floated behind her eyes and she made a decision. She dropped the bags onto the driveway and walked purposefully over to him.

Her steps were quick and measured. She had no idea what she planned to do, but she needed to do something. This might be the only chance she had. It might be the only time she had the courage to do anything. He was about to walk in the house when she rushed up onto the sidewalk in front of his driveway. Emily opened her mouth, waiting for words to spring forth. Nothing came. Her throat felt dry and raw. Her hands were shaking. Her insides felt like a blender was mixing them together. Toby entered his home and she stood there feeling like an idiot watching him. _So much for having courage_, she thought, angry with herself. Turning she was about to head back the way she came. The garage door opening behind her caused her to falter a bit. She hesitated then took a small step back onto the quiet, empty street.

"Emily," Toby said from behind her, she spun to face him. His voice held the question she was starting to ask herself. '_Why are you standing in front of my/his house_?' He started walking toward her, stopping about three feet from her. "Is everything okay?"

_No_, she wanted to say. _Nothing's okay. Everything is screwed up and wrong and the only time it feels sort of right is when I'm with you_. All of that was on the tip of her tongue, but it's not what came out. What came out was a confession she had no intention of ever making. "I know you didn't hurt Jenna."

He froze, his eyes clouded. "How?"

She rolled her lips together, they parted with a small pop. "I know because I was there."

"You were," Toby took a step toward her, not threateningly, just slowly. "Emily..."

"Please," she held up her hand, shaking her head. "I need to do this. I need to say this." He nodded. "I was there with Aria, Hanna, Spencer," she paused, "and Alison." Toby's eyes clouded even further at her dead friend's name. "We were in my bedroom and Ali said that you were spying on us through the window..."

"I didn't," he tried to interrupt but she stopped him again.

"I know that now," Emily swallowed. "I think I even knew that then." She shook her head again. "Ali decided you needed to be taught a lesson and grabbed a stink bomb from her brother's room." She moved a half a step toward him, encouraged when he didn't move away, but also scared because he looked away from her. "We went to the shed and I told her I didn't want to do it, but you know how Ali was. She assured all of us that no one was there and, I mean, it was only a stink bomb." Emily felt the tears climb in her throat. "She lit it and threw it in, telling us to run. The explosion...and then you and Jenna ran out." She wiped at the first tear that slid down her face, trying to will the rest back.

"Why didn't you say anything," Toby asked softly.

"I was scared," she choked on the words. "I know that isn't an excuse, but..." she shrugged, giving up on stopping the wave of tears. She looked into his eyes, hoping he would see that she felt horrible for her part in him going away. "I'm sorry. I know it's not enough and I'll understand if you hate me for what I, we did."

"It's okay," he told her. He closed the distance between them and wiped the tears from her face gently. Her eyes fluttered shut because of his touch and the forgiveness in his eyes. "I sort of figured out most of what happened that night already." Her eyes flew open in confusion. "I mean I didn't know for sure," he removed his hands from her face and took a step back. She immediately missed having him so close. "But I thought it might have been Alison. After the accident, she came by to see Jenna. She never talked to Jenna before that night. It seemed weird. I never looked in your windows Emily. I would never do that."

"I know, I know you wouldn't," Emily licked her lips. "Why didn't you turn us in?"

He turned away from her, "There were some things I did that night," he sighed, returning his gaze to hers. "Let's just say, I felt like I deserved to pay for some of my own sins. I just paid for Alison's too." He took her hands in his and squeezed them. "I don't blame you."

Emily took a deep breath and moved closer to him. It felt like a weight had been lifted from her shoulders and she felt light for the first time in a year. "Why are you always so nice to me?"

"You really don't know," his voice betrayed his disbelief. She shrugged, feeling like a piece of the puzzle was there in front of her, but she couldn't quite grasp it. His blue eyes softened. "I like you because you're you."

Her breath caught. So simple and yet it was exactly what she needed to hear. Her heart raced as she decided to take a chance. Standing on tiptoes, she pulled her hands from his and wrapped them around his neck, pulling him against her and planted a kiss firmly on his lips. She could tell she stunned him with her actions, she shocked herself with them, because he stood still for a second. But a second was all it took before he began kissing her back. His mouth moved against hers in a way that made her knees feel weak and her head feel light. Her blood rushed hotly through her veins, warming her, melting her. His hands slid up her back, pushing into her hair, holding her closer.

Toby's mouth opened over hers, his tongue licked at her bottom lip, silently asking her to allow him entry. She willingly did. Emily wanted this. Wanted him to drag her deeper. She pulled at the strands of his hair, raking her nails across his scalp. He groaned into her. She felt his chest rumble with the sound and she shivered in response. Her lungs started to burn, the need for air reminding her that she had to break away soon, but she didn't want to. She wanted to stay locked in his arms with his lips on hers. Her head warred with her heart, begging her to sneak the oxygen she needed, while her heart singsonged that passing out with Toby's kiss bringing her to life wasn't such a bad thing. Her head finally won out and she broke the connection slowly. Savoring the last moment. He dropped his forehead to hers. Both of them were panting. Her heart was thundering in her chest like a race horse's hooves against the ground. She was sure he could feel it, hear it. Emily was positive he knew exactly what was happening inside her right at that moment. Because she was also positive he was feeling the same.

He brushed his lips against her forehead and sighed. "I've dreamed of holding you like this."

"So have I," she told him with her head on his chest. Her phone vibrated in her pocket, pulling her back to reality with a sharp snap. She froze and his hands stopped moving on her back.

"What's wrong," he asked, fear lacing his words.

She pulled her phone out without answering his question. She knew who had texted her. It was the person that was ruining the lives of her and her friends. Emily stepped out of his arms and walked a little away to read whatever "A" had decided to write. Ice flooded her body once the text came up.

_Naughty Emily. Three different suitors. Two different kisses. One boyfriend completely unaware of what's happening. A picture is worth a thousand words. Should I send one to Ben? -A_

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**KarismaJulian4ever: **I'm so sorry it took me so long to update. Thank you so much for the review! I really hope you like this chapter as well.


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